He actually felt better for talking to his mum, turns out mum's do know their children, but although he felt somewhat relieved it hadn't helped his current situation.
He was sat at his window looking at the stars, it was about three in the morning, his mother had gone up about an hour ago but he still couldn't settle, he thought back on his conversation with her.. .
He'd left his room and quietly tapped on his parents bedroom door, half hoping no one was awake, but his mother, who had always been a light sleeper had heard and come right out.
She hadn't asked anything, just taken him down to the living room and made some herbal tea he liked, and waited.
"how does a son tell his mother he's in love with another man," he thought to himself, "would she be angry, disappointed,.?
" just speak Tae bear , "she said quietly taking hold of his hands across the table..
Tae looked into his mother's warm eyes, they were full of love and to a breath...
" mum, im in love with JK, "He held his breath, closed his eyes and waited..
He felt her hands squeeze his and he tentatively opened his eyes, he didn't see hate or hurt or disappointment in her face just a kind of sadness mixed with love. He waited for her to speak.
" Tae bear, I have known since the first time I saw you and JK together that what you had between you was special, I could see the way you looked at each other, even if you didn't know it yourself then I knew it was only a matter of time. I know it can not have been easy to tell me , but Tae you have been my amazing, unique son since you were old enough to dance around the living room, there is a light around you that draws people to you, especially when you smile, I've seen it time and time again, how could you think I wouldn't understand? " she had unshed tears in her eyes as she carried on speaking.
" however, you have to be sure where you go from here now, i can only do so much as your mother, I don't know if your father will understand as I cannot speak for him, perhaps let him be for now until there is something to actually tell him?" Tae nodded in agreement, he hadn't said a word as his mother had spoken, he couldn't believe how accepting and calm she was being, or that she'd known perhaps even before he had...
Things were quiet for a moment, both lost in thought and sipping their tea, then his mother said " does JK love you or is that why you're hurting so much at the moment?" Tae shook his head slowley and replied in a small voice " I don't know," I thought he did, he said he did" Tae looked down at the ring on his finger and started touching it, "we messed up mum" , he said" someone saw us kissing and took a picture, Bang saw it and now he's split me and JK up, no contact is allowed and we have a week, no now three days to make a decision, mum how can I decide group or JK with out talking to JK,? Or the others? And "he said sadly" JKs having the time of his life on holiday according to we verse and twitter, and I'm here just crying "head down and on the verge of tears Tae sat still and waited, wishing his mother would tell him what to do, so he didn't have to decide himself.
Unfortunately, obviously his mother couldn't tell him what to do, she'd said something like if it's meant to work out it will and the people that loved him, including the millions of faceless Army, would always love and support him, she'd expressed anger at Bang but also understood why he'd done what he'd done and just before she'd gone back to bed she said "Tae bear, is everything they saying now and have said in the past about you online true?" and he'd laughed a wry laugh and said of course not " and she'd smiled his favourite mum smile and said cryptically" exactly " and then she'd wished him sweet dreams and gone back to bed and now Tae was sat staring at the sky, trying to organise is ever present jumble of thoughts.
It was now nearly four o clock in the morning, the sky was getting lighter and he guessed sunrise wasn't far off maybe an hour or so.
He left the window and got into bed determined to try and get some sleep, he felt emotionally wrung out.
He opened his Spotify and found his JK playlist, volume on low he pressed play and drifted off listening to the beautiful voice that was Jk's.
He managed a few hours sleep and woke up just before nine. He grabbed his phone out of habit and saw a notification on weverse. He clicked it and there on the screen was JK all paused waiting for some one to press play.
"his smile isn't quite reaching his eyes" Tae thought about five minutes into the vlive, but maybe he'd be the only one to notice because those eyes where eyes he loved and eyes that had loved him. He carried on listening savouring every word JK said and then..
I love you bear? Who was bear? Also I love you army and love you to his parents but still who was bear?" Could he mean me" he thought? "no way!" was his first thought but then he remember JK calling him Tae bear, and Teddy bear ?
Tae shut is phone and lay back down, hiding under ths duvet, a tiny seed of hope had planted itself in his heart, tiny, but still it was there.
He lay in bed with eyes shut and tried to think if any one else was called bear... He couldn't think of anyone. Argg he wished he could talk to JK. He needed to know if JK wanted to fight with him, for them or not, he'd been struggling because he had a big decision to make but he shouldn't have to make it alone, this involves two people..
He needed to find a way to speak to JK
