Heaven's Child ≫ SPN

20. Impasse

I wished to god the hammering would stop.

It was constant, violent, painful, and loud. Pain would throb so demandingly at the sides of my head, so many times I would be convinced that my skull would crack open. Then it would be followed by dullness. Then the quick, ceaseless splintering would start again. It was unbearable.

I couldn't understand why I was in so much pain, it scared me more than I'd like to think. Yet a small part of me knew what was going on—I was dying. My body was going to get weaker and weaker and the suffering was going to intensify until my heart finally gave.

And there was no way to stop it.

I was still in chains and my shoulders were sore from being held over my head. But the pain was nothing compared to the relentless migraines and queasy stomach. I was trying to breathe through my aching body when the whoosh of his wings indicated Cas's arrival. I tried to stay as still as possible.

His footsteps came closer until he finally reached the edge of my bed. I heard nothing else for a long minute that I thought he left.

"I...don't know what to do." He sighed heavily. "I don't know what to search for, I don't know how to ease your pain. I don't even know how much time we have before..." I felt him clutch the edge of my bed. "I'm trying to figure out why Gabriel would do this. He just threw on me such a big responsibility without instruction." It got quiet for a minute. I was seething, practically feeling my anger ebb off me in heat waves.

"You were right; there was more to Sullivan's letter. I lied about that too. But he coded it in ancient enochian, I'm trying to figure out what he's trying to say or even why he went through the trouble of being so secretive."

He sighed. "I just wish I had more answers."

Suddenly he was right by my bed.

"Eliza?"

I squeezed my eyes shut in efforts to quell the headache that inexplicably worsened.

"I'm sorry," he whispered sincerely.

"Sorry's not gonna cut it." I opened my eyes, glaring up at him with unjustified hatred. "You had no right to keep anything from me!" I shouted. I felt fatigue dizzy me again but I viciously shoved it to the back of my mind, my anger taking control of everything else.

"I didn't know what to do—"

"I don't care!" I yelled. "Who do you think you are?"

He said nothing. Instead, he responded with, "I'll do the best I can to get you out of this."

"I don't need your best. I just need you to get me out of these chains."

He furrowed his eyebrows, guilt twisting his features immediately. "I can't. You could—"

"I'm leaving," I spat. "I'm not going to hurt anyone. I just want to leave. I'll go back to my empty house and die there. Consider yourself relieved of your responsibilities."

He straightened up, looking down at me from under his nose. "You're not going to die."

"Not here. Let me go."

"I'm sorry."

"I said let me go."

He looked away. "I'll be back."

I felt my heart start up. "No! Let me go!" I pulled on my chains. "Cas! Let me go!"

But he was gone.

****

I had no way of telling time and it was the most frustrating thing. There was no watch or window—I was completely isolated.