Heaven's Child ≫ SPN

29.4

The sun rose in the sky and stopped when it was right in the middle. Trees that stretched high above rose to life all around us, shielding us from the harsh light. The grass and the benches and the playground all came together, completing the view just like I remembered it.

"What is this?"

"Park near by my house," I replied, confused, sloppily wiping my tears on my sleeves. "My dad and I used to come here when I was little." I paused when realization hit me. "You said this jin feeds on my bad memories?"

"Yeah, it'll play them for you so you don't wake up before the poison kills you."

My repose came too fast, angrily, hotly. "But nothing bad happens here, this is a happy memory. I mean I don't remember anything specific just small glimpses and moments because I was so young, but they were all happy. I'm sure." I confirmed, feeling like I wanted to cry for no obvious reason.

The park was one of my favorite places on earth even though I hadn't visited it in eleven years. Good memories didn't happen to me often; I was afraid that if I came back those memories would be contaminated somehow. I loved those memories, those were the memories I replayed in my head before bed to help me fall asleep. They were from a different time, before Tammy's cancer, before my dad treated me like I was a nuisance, before he started drinking, before Ian looked at me twice.

I turned to tell Dean that I wanted to leave, but I caught my dad running and I was distracted immediately.

"Get up, Lizzy! C'mon you're okay, you're okay." He was younger, lighter. Didn't look like he carried the world's heaviest burden on his shoulders.

We watched him as he ran to help me off the floor. I had fallen into a puddle.

"See? Now you're all wet." He was smiling. I was crying. "What's wrong, honey?"

"How can I learn to be a hunter like you when I can't even catch the ball?"

"Lizzy," he whispered as he squatted down in front of me, "You'll never have to be a hunter."

And just like I feared, my park was poisoned. Contaminated forever. I felt my face fall as I watched the next part, remembering his next lines clearer than I could ever remember my own name.

"But Rachel says Frank once took her hunting and he even gave her her own gun."

"You're different from Rachel. Different from all of us. You're going to be someone special some day. You're going to save us all."

"I am?"

"I sure hope so. And until that day comes, I'm going to protect you with all I've got."

"Eliza?"

"He knew," I breathed.

"I don't think—" Dean began weakly.

"He told me I was special and that I was going to save them all," I snapped. I couldn't keep the break in my voice after that. "He let this happen to me."

"Liz, come on, you don't know that."

"Of course I do. Why else would he refuse any slightest conversation that elicited emotion? To treat me like...like I'm his daughter? Not some...stranger, or a freeloading roommate. He didn't want to get to know me because he knew someday he was going to give me away, it all makes sense now."

"He died for you."

And clarity hit me like depression consumed a mind. At first very delicately, brick by brick, then all at once, chunk by enormous chunk, all the giant ambiguities that surrounded me came crumbling down.