Heaven's Child ≫ SPN

3. Invisible, Invincible

"It...it can't be."

The thing was angry then quickly turned horrified. His fiery blue eyes dilated, widening with frenzy as if he was unable to decide what to feel. He clenched his elbows to his body, cringing away from me. "Dean, how did you find her?" He was eyeing me with a hateful, petrified expression like I was the end of his world as he knew it.

I was busy having my own freak out. He was nothing like I've ever seen; so crushingly powerful he automatically upstaged anything I've ever encountered in my life by a galaxy. If everything I had ever fought and killed in my life was to line up right here and right now—he definitely had the ability to destroy them all without breaking a sweat.

His strength was so distracting that I almost forgot what was coming next and either way it was too late. I couldn't just turn around and run even if my joints hadn't turned to ice. It was already happening.

"No! Get away from me!" I said it even though I knew it was no use. My knees buckled, my joints began to lock and suddenly I was unable to move.

Fear was gone and instead dread took its place, weighing heavy on my chest slowly and surely, like an ice cold snake had slithered its way around my body and began to squeeze.

This has happened before, many times. It never got easier but at least I did not have to suffer the terrifying confusion like the first few times. My body was prepared itself. Pupils dilated, veins stretching and it felt like ice cubes sliding under my skin, and I breathed deep, long gulps of air never stopping long enough to breathe out.

The process wasn't delightful on the other end either. The thing called Cas started screaming in agony.

"Cas!" It sounded worried but his face was furious, and Dean jolted to his side. "Cas, look at me, what's wrong? What's happening?" I could only assume the horror Dean must be feeling; for a being as powerful as Cas probably did not scream in pain very often.

Sam turned to me, just as angry as his brother. "Whatever you're doing to him, stop!" he demanded, but it was futile. Stupid, I wanted to tell them. Couldn't they see I was in pain too? That I didn't want to feel this way either? Why couldn't anyone see me, too?

The screaming stopped. Cas fell limp. His eyes slid shut slowly, like his life force was parting with him.

And then he started glowing.

He was producing so much white light, so pure, I could only describe it as heavenly. As the light was completely drained from him, it gracefully looped in the air once before shooting towards me. Then it attacked me.

It was white hot and it burned as it advanced against my skin, but it ran through my veins in a cool rush; the feeling was almost enjoyable. It felt like an electric shock that bordered on extremely uncomfortable and kind of pleasurable, sometimes dipping on either side of that border. Finally, my body had absorbed every last bit of this Cas.

I continued to gasp as Cas's power rambunctiously pulsated through me, asserting dominance over every cell of my body, forcibly making room for itself in its new home.

It was nearly like the time I drained the Alpha, but this time was on a much higher level. It took me just a few hours to figure out all the things I could do with the vampire's abilities but with power at this magnitude—I thought it was going to take me weeks, maybe months, to find out all of Cas's capabilities.

I began to cough. Pain and suffering was next.

"What the hell was that?" Sam demanded from me again. Why couldn't he see that I was hurting? "Did you just feed?" he asked coldly, not trying to hide his disgust from his face.

Dean was preoccupied with Cas. "What the hell did you do to him, he's not responding!" But I didn't pay attention to either them; I couldn't.

Fire, angry, terrifying, unforgiving fire was blazing inside me, mercilessly scorching my organs, melting them away, ferociously heating me up until my blood bubbled and boiled, and my insides dissolved in its wake.

This was the part of the process where everything in my body shriveled up—and regrew anew. This was the truly terrible part. It was like dying a long, miserable death in minutes over and over again, except, of course without the relief in the end.

My head started to thud so hard, I worried my skull was going to crack. My thoughts were becoming almost impossible to digest, just a dizzying whirl of incoherent gibberish. There was one thought that was easiest to read. It was a soft voice, not yelling or screaming like the rest of me. It was calm and plain.

Why me? What have I done?

There was a ringing in my head; an alarm. Danger. Sam and Dean were in danger. I needed to get away from them before the renewing started in my brain—because then I couldn't control what I did.

I grabbed the nearest hand and tried to communicate the best I can. I had no breath, my face was clamped with sweat and I was sprawled on the floor in an unruly manner. Sam was closest to me.

"Out," I breathed with much strain. "Get me out. NOW!" I screamed the last part because I was beginning to feel the pain in my spine.

After my life changed and all this happened to me, I constantly prayed for death.

I was lonely, scared, hopeless. Most of all, I was the world's most volatile question mark. What was I? Why was I so powerful? There was so much about myself I couldn't control, would I lose myself one day?

I was a mistake, a fluke. Plain and simple. I was an accident, and someone out there was going to finally show up at my steps and tell me that they were here to kill me. I wouldn't fight them. In fact, I wouldn't waste any time. I would close my eyes and lie perfectly still until the deed was done. I just wished they would show up already.

But until then, my days were empty and my nights were woeful. But I never truly wished for darkness—or death—to take me over unless I was changing. The pain was too much for anyone to bear. If there was a way to measure pain, this physical, sinister pain, the one that came with being whatever the hell I was, it would be measured levels beyond what a normal human can bear. It would kill them.

I bit my lip to stop from screaming, but I still heard the sound. That seemed to snap them into action. Dean was the one to pick me up and run towards the door. Once we were out in the cold, I repeatedly jabbed my finger at the forest. He ran a little before I pushed myself out of his arms and used the last bit of energy I had to whisper, "Go."

I saw him make it just in time to the door, but he didn't go inside. He stood to watch, Sam by his side. I looked away from them and let the pain engulf me.

I usually didn't mind my mannerisms when this happened, but now that I had an audience, a very small part of me wished that my clothes stayed intact.

Now that everything below the neck was remade, it was time for my brain.

It was frustratingly impossible to tell subconsciousness from reality during this stage. I was mostly preoccupied with the stubborn pain; everything else was a hazy blur.

I started shaking. A seizure.

I remember biting my tongue really hard, and I remember thinking how the grass smell reminded me of the barbecue's I had with my dad. I missed him and it overwhelmed me for a moment and I was grateful for the distraction.

Then everything became quiet, too quiet and I felt like I was suffocating.

I lost my hearing, then my sight, then control over my thoughts, until finally, I lost the ability to feel pain.

And then I was reborn.