Shit happens ✧ *:✧･ﾟ* Skins gen 2 • James Cook • Effy Stonem • Freddie McClair

Season 2 - 9

India

TW- miscarriage, still born, sad nature

I arrived home from visiting Effy.
"Cook! baby!" I called, Cook appeared at the top of the stairs, looking pale and uneasy.
"How's Eff?" He asked.
"Good, what's up with you?" I questioned, concerned  with the look on his face as if he'd seen a ghost.
"It's just-" He spoke in an uneasy voice, as if he was on the brink of tears.
I plummeted up the stairs to comfort him.
I realised he'd already been crying. His tearstained face was puffy and swollen with grief.
"It's..." I swallowed "Miles? isn't it?"
He nodded.

I thought of the horrible day.
I'd never actually thought about miscarriages before,  it's not something that dwells on someone's mind. I didn't know what happens when a baby dies inside of you until it happened to me. I still had to give birth to Miles. I was so scared when the doctor told me. The nurses gave me all sorts of medication and ushered everyone out of the room apart from Cook and hooked me up to gas and air.
I steadied myself to try and calm the panic.
I felt paralysed as the nurses told me to push.
Cook grappled my hand, I wasn't sure if it was to support me or himself. I couldn't feel anything waist down so I did what I thought was pushing until the nurse picked up a little tiny bundle, which I learned to be my son.
I gasped.
Trickles of desperation diffused around my body, giving me the first feeling I'd felt since before the pushing.
I was paralysed as the nurse showed us Miles who lay peacefully in her arms. 
Her expression was sympathetic as she asked if we wanted to hold him. She looked hesitant to explain how to hold a baby, but she said so nevertheless.
I put my hands out for the nurse to place the bundle of joy into my stretched out arms. I didn't feel joy as I held the little ungrown seed who lay at peace in his mummy's arms.
"My poor boy." I sobbed, my voice croaking in despair.
I got scared and passed him back to the nurse and burst into what felt like never ending tears as I watched her hand him to Cook who looked like he was going to pass out.
A pulse beat in my ears, blocking out all sound, feeling mortified as I watched Cook burst into tears.
A cold wave embalmed me as the hairs rose on the back of my neck and my mouth ran dry.

*****
"Oh Cook, I know...I know." I sobbed into his chest, comforting him. He clutched onto me like he was afraid to lose me.