Show Me That I'm Better | Post Malone

III

"So you said today was your first radiation session?" Delilah asked while serving out portions of the lunch Austin had ordered for them.

"Yep, first of five, three week breaks in between" Austin sat on a bar stool opposite the breakfast bar, stealing chips as she served.

"And then what?"

"Then more scans and we find out if it's worked." He stood from his place and headed over to the fridge, grabbing out a beer for himself. "You don't drink do you?"

"No, thank you, but I will take that Coke hiding up the back if it's okay?"

He smiled, grabbing Delilah's drink and closed the fridge, taking the drinks out to the table on the alfresco area just off the kitchen.

"And how are you feeling since the treatment?"  She asked as he made his way back in through the open French doors.

Her eyes focused on him to try and convey how genuine her question was. She didn't want to come off as if she was asking him out of pity because while that may have been the reason she arrived on his doorstep earlier, she was still trying to figure that out, she was pretty sure that hadn't been the reason she'd stayed all this time.

"Well I haven't turned into Spider Man yet..."

Delilah shook her head as she handed him his plate and cutlery and grabbed her own.

"What? Not even cancer can get me a sympathy laugh?" He asked with a chuckle as she followed him outside to sit at the table in afternoon sun. Austin kicked a chair out and motioned for her to take the seat, before placing his food down in front of the seat beside her.

"Sorry, even cancer has it's limits apparently. Can I ask one more thing?" Delilah asked as she sat on the warm timber chair, shuffling it slightly closer to the table.

"Del, you've been questioning me like I'm on fucking trial for the past 3 hours" his words were blunt so she was relieved to see the smirk on his face as she looked up to him.

"I know, I'm sorry"

"Don't be" he said with sincerity as he held her eye contact. "Last question?"

"At the engagement party, you were with someone."

"Mmm, was that a question?"

Austin was right, she had been questioning him non stop all afternoon, so she was unsure why this question wasn't forming properly for her.

"I mean, it was kinda a question. I remember seeing you with someone there and I know Brad has mentioned someone you were seeing a few times..."

Austin looked down at his plate, nodding slowly. "Why wasn't she with me today?"

His eyes held their position on his plate for a few moments and Delilah began to worry that she had finally pushed him too far, he'd exposed so much of himself this afternoon to her already, more than she expected.

"She's not exactly the kind of someone that goes to hospital with you for cancer treatment if you know what I mean. She's probably more the kind to sell the story." He spoke so softly she barely heard the last sentence and it took a moment for them to register.

"So is it my turn to ask you a question now?"

"I guess that's fair" Delilah shrugged as she picked up her fork and stabbed a piece tomato from her salad.

"Why did you really come here? I mean I didn't see you at the hospital, you could have easily pretended you didn't see me. I know we have Gia and Brad in common but it's not exactly like we're friends."

Delilah put her fork down and turned in her seat to look at him with a sigh.

"I told you already, I just thought you..."

"Might wanna talk about it, yeah I know." His interruption caught her off guard for a moment.  "But why? What do you get out of it?"

"What do I get out of it?" Delilah repeated his question slowly, trying desperately not to show how offensive she found it. She searched his face as she tried to decipher what possible other meaning he could have placed to the question.

She failed.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. What could I possibly get out of it Austin?" She slowly shook her head still trying not to believe what he was insinuating.

"I don't know Delilah, that's why I asked." His words were slow as he kept his tone neutral. "Look I'm not trying to be a dick but it isn't exactly like we've ever had a fucking conversation before. It just makes me wonder if..."

"Post if the rest of that sentence insinuates me trying to benefit from this situation in anyway, I'm going to need you to stop right there."

His face fell as he swallowed deeply. She assumed that maybe he hadn't thought his question through, had forgotten for a moment who he was speaking to. He was just used to people trying to use him to get ahead, she could relate to that feeling, and the look of regret on his face now told her that he had realised just how little she needed from him, how little he could give her that she hadn't already accomplished on her own.

It was silent between them for a few moments as they both awkwardly picked at their lunch.

Part of her wanted to just get up and leave, he was right after all, it's not like they were friends. She had taken the time out of her day to be a decent person to him and he thanked her by throwing accusations, she owed him nothing.

"Del" he broke the silence with a whisper, barely catching her attention over the angry responses that were raging in her mind. But as she looked up at him and saw his eyes lowered to his fingers and the regret so clearly written on his face she was reminded exactly why she came.

"I don't really have any family" her soft response startling Austin, as his eyes raised to meet hers.
"My parents both passed away when I was young. I have a sister I speak to occasionally and a couple of Uncles I see once or twice a year but that's it. I've been alone a long time Austin, it's kind of all I'm used to. So I know from experience that the hardest part of being alone is when you're sick. When you're too unwell to look after yourself but there's no one around to help you. There is no benefit here for me Austin, I just know how it feels to be helpless and completely alone."

Silence fell over them again, but this time it didn't feel quite as awkward. 

"Can I have a redo, with my question, can I try again? Please?" Austin moved his chair out from the table and angled it towards Delilah's, shuffling in closer to her seat and he placed his elbows on his knees, leaning in further still. Delilah silently nodded as she held his gaze.

"Are you okay?"

"What?" The basic, three word question not at all what she was expecting to hear.

"You were at the hospital today as well. I know you're private, fuck I think the whole world knows that so I'm not gonna waste my time asking why you were there, but can you at least tell me if you are okay?"

"I'm okay..." Delilah responded with her default response.

His blue eyes held hers with a softness she couldn't remember seeing before today, however it was a quality she'd noticed twice now this afternoon. It was like she had gotten a glimpse of the wizard behind the curtain, before he had gotten nervous and quickly closed it again, hiding behind his public facade where he was comfortable. But the way he looked at her again now, there was no trace of Post Malone in those eyes, only Austin, and Delilah was suddenly beginning to understand why he kept himself so well hidden.

"I wasn't, but now... I'm working on it."