Show Me That I'm Better | Post Malone

XXXVI

Her night had been restless, nurses coming in every other hour to check his machine, hang more fluids or take his obs. She had struggled to get any sleep, every time she was just starting to drift off again there would be another disturbance.

His eyes had remained tightly closed, not even a flutter of his lashes to show he was still conscious behind them.

"How you holding up love?" Fiona's accent had made it's way into the hospital room before she had. "You managed to get any sleep?"

She shook her head slowly, offering Fiona the smallest hint of a smile, it was the best she could muster up given the circumstances.
"I'm okay, thank you for checking."

She figured she would be up again for a while at least, making her way to the bathroom to get another damp washcloth. She made herself comfortable on the couch again, reaching over him and dabbing the cloth over his  forehead and cheeks.

"You're good to your boy." Fiona said with a smile from behind Austin's chart. God she felt like a fraud.

She watched Fiona take down the bag of saline, attaching a smaller bag of antibiotics before hanging the half empty bag back up on the spare hook.
"I can sit with him for a bit, if you wanted to go get something to eat or stretch your legs?"

"Thank you Fiona, I don't wanna risk him waking up and not being here." She spoke softly, her eyes back on Austin's peaceful face. "I don't want him thinking he's alone."

"You've been by his side, holding his hand all night my love, I'm sure he knows he's not alone." Fiona assured her as she placed the thermometer back in front of his forehead. "102.3, it's come down a little."

She wanted to believe Fiona's words that he knew she was there, that he could feel her hand holding his, feel her concern seeping into his pores as she sat beside him. She knew what it was like to be in hospital fighting with no one by your side, she could never forgive herself if he felt that. Tears started forming in her eyes again as she tried helplessly to blink them away.

"He's lucky to have you, I'm sure he knows that whether he can hear your voice or feel your touch." Fiona assured her, placing her hand on her shoulder. "My break is in 15, I'm going to head to the cafe, I'll bring you back a coffee."

Fiona's words started her tears streaming, unable to control them in anyway. She allowed herself to lean back into Fiona for a moment, trying to find some strength to regain control of her emotions. "Thank you Fiona."

His room had become silent again, nothing but the sound of his machines and shallow breaths.
It had been three days since she spoke to him, she had allowed him to be on his own, suffering for three days.

As angry as she was at herself she was even more so at his team. Where were they? How had they let him get to this point and done nothing? How had he ended up on her doorstep alone from New York? She reached in her bag and pulled out his phone, she needed to know if anyone had ever been looking for him or trying to check in on him. 

There were several missed calls from several different names, some she knew and some she didn't. It eased her mind a little to know his team obviously had some concern for his welfare. She wanted to ignore them, figured they all deserved to worry about him since they left him to get to this condition without intervening, but she knew she wasn't that person.

There was one person who was the focus of most of her anger. One person who was supposed to be his best friend, who had asked him to be his best man. She needed him to know where he was, not to try and ease his concern but so he would know the damage he helped create.

"Hey Brad." She spoke before he had the chance to.

"Lila? Oh shit sorry, I though... wait... are you fucking kidding. Is he with you?" Brad asked, his confusion quickly turned to frustration.