Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 3 Snowstorm

Today was Saturday, meaning today Shane wasn't woken up by the sound of his alarm. It was 1 pm when he woke up,it wasn't the light in his room, but a small girl that stormed into the bedroom and shook him awake has she giggled. Shane sat down stretching himself before looking at his goddaughter, who smiled.

Jas: C'mon Shane, Marnie is almost done  whit lunch!

Shane: Hm... What is it?

Jas: It's pizza day remember?! Since you were sleeping me and Marnie made yours!

Shane: Thanks darling!- he said before hugging the girl, then they heard a voice from the kitchen.

Marnie: Jas, go set the table!- she asked, the men letting go of her, his goddaughter leaving the room and closing the door.

Now by himself in the dark ,the men sighed, covering his face. He couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep pretending to be happy for his goddaughter. It hurt. But he still did it, because if he didn't, he would disappoint her. He slowly got up and went over to his closet. He grabbed some clothes and put them on the bed, before locking the bedroom door and going to his bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror.

You're a disgrace...

He thought before looking down to his hands, he had some burns in his finger tips, thanks to the cold of last night. But isntead of being racional, he thought he deserved it. He washed his face, whit cold water so he could be back to reality, not wanting the day he had reserved for Jas to be ruined by his thoughts. He then left the bathroom getting dressed before heading to the kitchen. They ate before going outside, Shane did promise her that they would build some snow men and maybe a snow chicken. The men stood by, his hands burned more from the lack of gloves, but it was what he did to stop himself from drinking. He always had a way to justify the constant self punishing. After a while Shane and Jas went inside, Shane sat in the cop for a few hours, sneaking beers until it was later in the day and he went over at the saloon.

Shane: Gus, hit me up whit the usual.- he said, the other complying.

Gus: Why did you ran out yesterday?

Shane: None of your fucking business.-he replied rudely before sipping the beer- I come here to drink not for shitty small talk.- the older sighed, going back to work.

The drinks quickly piled up, Shane was disoriented, his mind was fuzzy, his vision blurry, if anyone would address him, he'd be sure to spill out all of is woes. But that's the thing, no one did. The nosy mystery man wasn't anywhere to be seen and no one cared to talk whit him, mainly because they didn't want to be cursed out. This meant when it was closing time no one helped him out. He was much worse then one night ago. He could barely walk and wasn't that conscious about his surroundings. Then the last drink he had hit, considerably harder then any before and he dropped to his knees, his hand being burned by the snow, but he didn't move away. He was nauseous and needed the support. A few minutes of him deep breathing didn't work to help it, him vomiting on the snow before he took his hands out of there staring at the stars has he panted, has if it would stop the invitable. He pucked again, getting more disoriented then before. He shivered. Even whit his warmest coat he shivered. He assumed this was some kind of punishment. It could only be. Yoba was punishing him for getting drunk, yet again. Even tho Yoba knew he couldn't quit they, at Shane's eyes, still punished him.

What kind of God allows me to be this miserable....

Was the only coherent thought he had, has he panted, has if heavy breathing would warm him up. Then he had the only decent thought of the night.

I have to get home... Freezing to death seams like the worse way to go....

He held onto one of the many trees in the plaza. He was still in the middle of the town but no one seamed to hear him puke. He slowly got up, his shivering worse. He took a few steps in the direction of his house before collapsing on his knees again. He'd stopped shivering by now and was just tired.

Shane: I-I-... Need to lay d-down...- he thought his head spinning his eyes being barely open now. He threw himself to the snow, before rolling over, looking at the sky. It snowed onto him, he realized that he most likely should get up and leave, but when he tried to move he couldn't. It hit him right then and there, the tiredness and the sudden stop in shivering, it was happening. Hipotermia was setting in. And there he was, in the middle of the town but there was no help. He reflected on the moment, realizing how cathartic it was. His whole life he felt like even surrounded by people he was alone and now, at the moment of his death it was the same. He cried. Unsure if it was a sort of sadness for the ones who will miss him, if it was the emotional pain of not leaving the world to his own accord, or if it was because deep down he didn't want to go. Paralyzed, whit his face partially frozen by the tears, snow pilling up on his body, he decided, on a half ditched effort to survive, he let his pride and ego go to do something he'd never do normally.- H-help...- he whispered, but the strong wind would never let anyone listen to it. He continued to cry. Making peace whit his death. Feeling regrets and reliefs. He sighed again, still crying, has he slowly closed his eyes.

I'm sorry Jas.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!

-MissevilXD