Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 30 Feeling bad

Ian woke up much later then usual, he felt like he couldn't move, he was tired and felt numb inside. Even so, he slowly sat up and checked his phone. In it was a message that basically said the farm duties were made and wishing him a good day. He smiled. Shane was so caring, even not knowing he didn't felt well he sent a message to cheer him up. Maybe he knew. Or maybe not. He couldn't tell. Still he slowly got up, he was only wearing a sweater and boxers, has the pant lining hurt his scar. He figured that if he wanted to go outside to walk, like the physical therapist told him to do, he should wear one of his old high waisted pants. He wouldn't lie, they made him dysforic, but whit a sweater over it, it should be fine. He got dressed and headed downstairs. He wanted to stay in his bed all day, but he knew better, he needed to walk to promote circulation in his stomach. He went to the kitchen, finding in a counter some pancakes. They were very wonky and far from perfect, but it made his day a slight better. He ate and got outside, today was foggy, Ian went slowly made his way to the mountains, he sat under a tree, looking down at the town. Linus sat besides him, they chatted. When Ian came to town Linus was his first friend. He gave some of the pancakes he brought. He didn't know if Linus was hanging out him for the food or because he was lonely living up there. Has they talked, Ian took out one of cigarette from his pocket. He had been dying to smoke but he couldn't do it because of the surgery. After a few hours he went back home, laying in bed and closing his eyes.

Later in the day Shane got home, noticing the other laying down sleeping, he moved downstairs and heard the house phone ringing, he went to pick it up, hearing the voice of a woman.

Call:

Shane:Hello?

Woman: Oh sorry did I call the wrong number?

Shane: I don't know, who were trying to talk to?

Woman: My son, Ian.

Shane: You called to the right place but he's sleeping.

Woman: So are you Shane?

Shane: Yeah.

Woman: I'm Daisy.Nice to meet you. Ian told me you two are close.

Shane: How close did he say we were?

Daisy: The, you're dating, kind.

Shane: Oh ok, ok, cool.... Since you wanted to talk to Ian I advise you to talk to him later.

Daisy: Of course.-she sighed- I can't wait to go to the valley and meet my future son in law.

Shane: I don't know if we'll get married, Ian doesn't seam very on board with the idea.

Daisy: And you?

Shane: It's complicated...

Daisy: Alright, makes sense. Bye Shane.

Shane: Goodbye.

Shane sat back on the couch. He wanted to marry the other but he didn't know if the other was in the same mindset. Marriage was scary, it could make the other anxious just to bring it up. Specially knowing the implication of it. If they were married, Ian had to interact more whit Jas even maybe also become a parental figure to them. Was that to much to ask out of them? Probably. Lately Shane had felt better emotionally but he knew that he probably should keep working on himself. He knew he had to do all the work, his therapist advised him against medication, given his addiction problems adding more substances wouldn't help. His journey would be much different then Ian's, not harder or easier, there's no easy or hard way to deal whit mental health. There's different paths and even those aren't always linear. Shane has went back and forth whit his well being, he just happened to be feeling better now. Yet what he didn't know is that the other was falling back into old habits. He hadn't broke his self harm free streak yet but, he was feeling how he felt back then. He knew going into surgery it could trigger depression. But he couldn't be sure. When Ian woke up and still felt like shit, he grabbed his phone, it was late but he needed to do this. He sighed before calling.

Ian: C'mon pick up....- he thought had he ran his fingers through his hair, after a few things they answered- Hey, it's Ian, I'm sorry I'm calling at this time of the night but I need an emergency consult asap... Yeah just the first slot you have... Yup it can be an online consultation, it actually is better that way... Alright, thank you so much.- he said before hanging up, dropping his phone on the  bed, he rubbed his templates.

The worst part was done. He called his therapist, he admitted he was worse. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Admitting the truth hurt. But he knew it was for the better. He wiped off tears, before getting up and going downstairs. The house smelled nice, thanks to the other's cooking. Ian got to the door, leaning against the wall. Shane felt someone's presence, looking at the door, seeing the other for a quick second, then turning off the heat of the pan, he was done whit the strogonoff after all so there was no issue. He looked back at the other, his nose was reddish.

Shane: Are you ok love?- that question was enough to make him breakdown again, tears falling down his face, Shane approached him, putting his hands on his shoulder.

Ian: N-no.- he said before falling into the other's arms, he sobbed, Shane rubbing his back, occasionally kissing his forehead.

Shane: We can stay like this, or we can talk... Whatever you feel like is fine.- the smaller pulled away whipping his tears.

Ian: I-I... I f-feel like w-when I felt a-at my w-worse... E-ever since t-the surgery.  I-I don't u-understand w-why, I J-just do.

Shane: Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? I know it won't magically change, but at least for you to sleep well tonight.

Ian: I-I want to cuddle.

Shane: We can do it, after dinner...

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!!

-MissevilXD