Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 29 Past mistakes

It was dinner time and Ian spoke to his newfound company. They ate has they both joked.

Margaret: So, you have a husband ? And a kid?- the other chuckled before speaking.

Ian: No, no! Shane is my boyfriend, Jas, it's a long story, but basically Shane is her godfather and she's under his custody.

Margaret: You ever intend on marrying him? Cuz I tell you, that what I saw was true love.

Ian: I don't know... Are you married? Maybe you could tell me how things change.

Margaret: Well I'm haply married whit three beautiful daughters and it's amazing. Nothing really changed in the beginning when me and my husband got married, but raising kids is the game changer! Even if they're yours.

Ian: Mind if I ask, but why didn't they visit?

Margaret: My husband has a week immune system and my girls are either to young to come here by themselves or they are off working or in college.

Ian: You must be feeling pretty lonely.- he pointed out, the woman looked sad, Ian got up, grabbing his chocolate and seating on a stool besides the woman's bed- Want some?

Margaret: Yeah, thanks darling.

Ian: So, why are you here?

Margaret: Cancer... It's fine tho, I just needed to take out the cervix.

Ian: That's hard... My mom had cancer, breast cancer. It's actually the reason I got my top surgery faster... I remember when she got her double mastectomy, she kept teasing me saying she got top surgery before me.- he said chuckling - I miss her.

Margaret: Oh my, she isn't dead is she?

Ian: No! No! I just went back to her hometown and she stayed in the city whit my sister and dad.

Margaret: Don't worry me like that son. I don't want morbidity around me, that's not good for my recovery.

Ian: I agree on that.

Margaret: So do you talk?

Ian: No actually... Last time I called her it was pretty traumatic for the both of us...

**
It was Wednesday after noon, Ian just got off the train, Shane carried his bags has they walked back to the house. The younger made his way to his bedroom laying on his bed. He didn't felt great but he felt like he needed to talk to the other. So, before Shane went downstairs to make dinner, the smaller spoke up.

Ian: Hey Shane can we talk for a second?

Shane: Sure, what is it?- he asked seating at the edge of the bed.

Ian: I'm conflicted. I want to call my mother but I'm unsure if I should.

Shane: Why shouldn't you?- the famer sighed before looking the other in the eyes.

Ian: I think it's about time I tell you about my attempt... You're in a better head space then before and you need the context.

Shane: Alright... But if it's starting to feel like to much, don't tell me more.

Ian: Sure....- he sighed before speaking - Back when I was in college, I was being harassed by everyone around me and to make matters worse my sister didn't get me and neither did my father. My mom? She knew all along. She knew I was a boy since before I was born.... It was my birthday that weekend. I-I.... I was already deep into my depression. I dug myself to deep. - he took a big breath - That year I didn't come back home for it. I decided to stay in the dorms. I-it was Friday. I had everything planned, even a note. Yet I couldn't bare leaving whitout calling my mom... We were so close I felt like I owed her that.... I told her everything, set clear every single lie and cover up I did in the past months. I told her about what they called me, what they threw at me... All of the anonymous sex I had to help me feel something other then saddens... How I used to self harm before, after and even during classes... How I smoked a pack of cigarettes every day because it was the only way to keep my anxiety at bay... I told her all and I didn't even know she had just arrived at my college to surprise me... So when I hanged up she came to my rescue...- his eyes began to water- She stayed by my side all of the time... Even threw me a birthday party when I was in the hospital... I owe her everything but I feel like calling her isn't the best idea.- the older held his right hand, before whit his other one whipping away the other's tears.

Shane: I think that even if that's the last memory of you calling her you should do it. She must be worried sick about you... And hey you could tell her even tho you don't have kids you found someone like she wanted.

Ian: It's more my dad that has been pushing for it, but yeah you're right... Thanks Shane.- he said before hugging him.

Shane: You're welcome love... Now I'mma make you dinner,  then you should rest.

Ian: So should you, those eye bags are dreadful.

Shane: Couldn't sleep lately, I felt very lonely whitout you and I just kept worrying.

Ian: Mph, that's a change in tone.- he pointed out, the other chuckling.

Shane: Just cuz you've been the one that has been taking care of me, doesn't mean I wouldn't do the same.- he added before going downstairs. They both ate in the bedroom, Shane taking the plates downstairs, not doing the dishes, before laying again in the bed. They were watching tv, in a warm and comfortable embrace, yet Ian couldn't shake off the sad feeling he had. Was it because of what they spoke about? Was it because he called his mother to catch up? Was it Because he had slowly stopped taking his meds? Not the anxiety ones, but his antidepressants. He did just deal whit seasonal depression, so now that it was spring he didn't need it. Even so, he knew something was wrong. He had that feeling. Yet, he figured that maybe it would be wisest to ingnore it, after all, he might just need a good sleep.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!!

-MissevilXD