Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 23 Becoming better

Shane woke up, his head hurt, he was disoriented, he hadn't drank but he was feeling hang overed. He got up slowly, before getting dressed and leaving. He went over to the train, falling asleep in it only waking up at his stop. Now in the loud and busy city he made his was to a coffee shop, getting the overpriced coffee at the city that didn't do much to keep him awake, before going to where the consultation was happening. He anxiously waited for his session. He wanted to call Ian, he knows how to soothe him, better then himself. But he knew he shouldn't. He went inside the office. Afterwards he stopped to eat, before going back to the valley. He only got there very late in the night. Ian was already making dinner by now. So Shane went over to the kitchen door, leaning on it.

Shane: Hey Ian.

Ian: Hey.

Shane: I wanted to tell you today I went off to therapy... I'm trying to be better. Not just for you, mainly for me.

Ian: I'm happy for you.- he said still looking at what he was doing- But what matters to me is that you decided to still drink.

Shane: I'll cut to the chase then.- he said going besides the other and putting down the silver chip that said 24 hours- Ian I love you. I'm willing to do anything for you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean it. But I want to make it right. I don't want to be the self destructive person I am. I want to be better.- the younger sighed turning back.

Ian: I'm glad you're finally saying that.- he said before hugging the other. After he pulled away from the hug he pulled the other into a kiss. Shane gently pushed him on the counter, before the other pulled away- We probably shouldn't...

Shane: Yeah, right, sorry.- he said pulling away.

Ian: I'm like about to pass out I really need to eat.

Shane: I really need to sleep.

Ian: Grab a snack first... Also make me company.

Shane: Of course love.- he said before making himself a sandwich, they sat down at the table eating dinner.

Ian: So I kinda came out to Marnie.

Shane: Was it because what happened?

Ian: Yeah sorta... But it's fine... Can I share something whit you Shane?

Shane: Sure.

Ian: One of the main reasons I was so  anxious was because of the potencial of you outing me. I know that most likely you wouldn't but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Yesterday I was at my lowest since I've moved here. I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel guilty. I'm telling you because I feel like I need to be transparent to you- the other interrupted him.

Shane: Transparent? But you aren't a dad?

Ian: Shane not the time.

Shane: Right, sorry.

Ian: How I was saying, I want to tell that even tho you've meet me a good years into therapy and my transition, I still struggle a lot whit my mental health. And the reason I put my foot down was because if you can't keep yourself clean I can't too.

Shane: I'm sorry I made you relapse.

Ian: It's done Shane, there's no need to cry over spilled milk... I just want to lay down and finally get some rest...

Shane: Oh by the way, I was thinking of maybe one of this days tell Jas about us?...

Ian: Shane whatever you decide I'll be by your side...-there was a quick moment of silence before the taller interrupted it.

Shane: It's weird having you.- he blurred out, to tiered to process his sudden vulnerability.

Ian: How so?- he questioned has he got up and began to wash the dishes, Shane backtracking.

Shane: Oh, no, no I probably shouldn't get started.

Ian: Shane you can tell me.

Shane: What if it makes you more anxious?

Ian:I have meds that make it partially go away.

Shane: I've never had someone like you in my life. It's so odd actually having someone who cares, not because they're made to.- he said has they went upstairs Shane throwing himself back- I don't want to lose you Ian....

Ian: I don't want to lose you two, shane.- he said laying down besides, the other, the taller turning to his side to stare at the other.

Shane: Why? Why are you afraid to lose me when I've done you more harm then good.

Ian: Because you're the only person in my life that's treated me well, even after I came on out. Nothing changed whit you, I'm still a man in your eyes, you don't use me for a stupid fucking fetish. You see me has human. You see me has a man. Even tho I never intend on having bottom surgery, you don't let my sex define me.

Shane: I'm the first person to accept you? That's hard to believe. I thought the city was more open and chill about it?

Ian: It isn't. It seams like it but it really isn't.

Shane: Well I'm glad you found a place you're actually accepted.

Ian: I'm glad I have you.- he said before kissing the other. Shane played whit his hair, Ian's hands on the other's waist, they were apart yet so close. They pulled away, the older looking slightly confused and a bit starstruck, the other chuckled at his expression. He always looked so lost when he pulled away- I love you so much.... I wish I could just lay besides you forever.- now was the other's time to chuckle.

Shane: There's one way.

Ian: Oh c'mon, I don't want you to be all grim and think about death. I want to be whit you. That's what I meant.

Shane: I thought you already were?- he asked chuckling, messing whit the other who chuckled has well.

Ian: Times like this I'm reminded you're a dad. Awful dad joke by the way.- the younger added in a playful manner.

Shane: Well am I at least a dilf?

Ian: Yup.- he said before kissing to the other, moving closer- We should probably go to sleep...

Shane: Yeah... Goodnight love.

Ian: Night.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!!

-MissevilXD