Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 19 Parenting anxiety

Shane woke up at 7 am, his partner long gone. He sat up on the bed, sighing, he felt almost starstruck. He couldn't believe what happened yesterday had really happened. Yet he knew this happiness would be long gone when he got to work. Just thinking about it made him more miserable. He reluctantly got up, getting his clean uniform and going to take a shower. The warm water felt nice, but it didn't give him the comfort it once did. No. Now the only thing that could come close to the comfort he once felt whit this small luxury was Ian. He walked out of the shower, getting dressed, not bothering to shave his beard, well knowing that if he picked up the razor he'd do something he regretted.  He walked over to his work, suffocating. He couldn't do it. But he did. He went to work and the only way he had to endure such a dream crushing job was to indulge in his old habits. He would walk to the back sneak a beer, then another, then a coffee to cover up the smell. The cycle repeated itself when the focus wasn't on it. How miserable. Yet, much to his dislike, he never let the total get to the double digits.

I guess this moderation.

He thought, even tho he didn't care about moderation, he just cared to not be drunk. Not because himself, but because he felt bad when he let down his partner. He now walked back to his house, double even triple checking that his smell didn't have a hint of alcohol. All for the illusion everything was fine. After all the illusion was better then reality, right? Illusions don't make us feel bad, they don't disappoint and after all, they're a good cover up for someone has miserable has Shane. Keeping up illusions was his way to not be pittied after all. Cuz the only thing worse for him then his own emotional and physical state was for people to pity him.

He walked inside of the house, seeing Ian seating on his couch, his legs covered by a blanket and he drank a hot cup of tea. He sat on the furthest place from the door. Shane closed the door, walking to the couch, throwing himself on it. He buried his face onto the other's legs, Ian playing whit his hair.

Ian: Rough day, love?- he asked in a sweet and low tone, the other nodded- Are you alright mentally? You seam kinda down.- the older turning, laying on his back, staring at the others face.

Shane: Can we talk about something else?

Ian: Of course my love....

Shane: I don't know if I said it enough but I liked yesterday.

Ian: Me two...

Shane: Could be better tho.- he chuckled, the other doing so has well.

Ian: Sorry I was out of practice.

Shane: Me two.

Ian: How long didn't you do it for?- he asked curious, the other chuckling.

Shane: Kinda a long time... I think it was 5 years?

Ian: F-five?! Five years?!- he asked very surprised- Jeez... I went one year whitout it and I was practically throwing myself to anyone who'd do it.- they both chuckled before the younger continued- I actually didn't think it would be that much... And I don't know if this makes you feel better, but you weren't that rusty.

Shane: Just cuz I didn't have sex doesn't mean I completely stopped doing anything to do whit it.

Ian: I guess it makes sense. I couldn't go one month whitout jacking off much less 5 years.

Shane: Neither could I. But it is kinda hard juggling me time when I had Jas and Marnie around all the time.

Ian: Jeez. Remind me to not have kids and live whit my aunt.

Shane: I think that's never happening whit you.... Well the part of living whit your aunt... I kinda would like that down the line I would introduce you to Jas has my boyfriend... Maybe have her move in.

Ian: Maybe in the future, I don't know. I kinda like the liberty we have right now, she can maybe spend the night here from time to time but it's to early to actually have her moving in, you know?

Shane: Yeah. I think the same. For multiple reasons actually...- he sighed, he has avoiding being vulnerable, but right now he felt like he should be- I don't think that I should be raising Jas right now.- the younger raised an eyebrow.

Ian: Why not?

Shane: I'm really bad. I'm in the hole right now and I don't think I'd do the best decisions for her... Or just, the least bad ones. I rather have her stay whit Marnie and be sure she's well taken care of then struggling to meet her emotional and physical needs.

Ian: You know sometimes I find it hard to believe you're like only a year older then me. You seam to know so much more.

Shane: I don't. And if I do in this case it's because of experience. I have a kid. Even if not my own, you don't.

Ian: Well, I don't know if it's much but if I'm ever going to raise a child, I hope it's whit you.- he said petting his hair, the other smiling.

Shane: You better help me with Jas when she's whit us. There's shit that I don't have an idea of how the approach.

Ian: Like what?

Shane: Like when she starts puberty.

Ian: So even tho I'm also a man you think it be better I explained shit?  What about Marnie?

Shane: Marnie still has old views of that shit. I don't want Jas learning about outdated things, for her sake. Besides, I feel like not consciously Marnie tends to shame you.

Ian: Really I always thought she was to nice for that.

Shane: It's isn't on purpose but, yeah, she has good intentions but she has said something's that's just... Yikes, man.

Ian: Like what?

Shane: Like when I got my first boyfriend and she said something in the lines of it being because I couldn't find a girlfriend.

Ian: Geez.

Shane: Yeah...

Ian: Well, if you have any questions of how to approach it, you can talk to me. I might not have kids, but I had to pass this information to my younger sister. Just like, something I really need to tell you to do is like normalize menstruation being a thing. Cuz if not it's just so akward.

Shane: I was gonna do that, I'm not stupid. I don't want her to feel like a freak just cuz her body is working how supposed to.

Ian: Holy shit, Shane you're a better father then mine.

Shane: Thanks I guess?- he said chuckling.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!!

-MissevilXD