Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 13 Good enough to receive love

Shane woke up today feeling dreadful. He laid on the bed in the guest room staring at the ceiling, it was 6:30 am, old habits died hard. He sat up sighing, rubbing his eyes, it was still dark outside, he shouldn't go out. Last night it snowed again,the temperatures shifting had affected him, he felt sick. He blew his nose before laying down again, staring at the ceiling, his mind being flooded whit intrusive thoughts, that was always the worse part when he got the flew. Shane sighed before getting up, he got the towel the other had set up for him to use. Yet he didn't bother getting new clothes, deciding he was only gonna take a shower to help him distract himself from the thoughts and the headache that became even more prominent. He walked downstairs, before locking himself in the bathroom. He stared himself in the eyes. What was worth his struggle? Aperantly his friend's happiness. He looked like a mess, bags under his eyes, a very prominent five o'clock shadow or the dead look of his eyes. Today was a bad day. Shane hasn't actually had a "good" day in a while, only more tolerable one's, things had been more manageable tho has Ian had made so. He sighed before getting rid of his clothes and heading to the shower. He stood there, his eyes closed has the warm water hit his skin. A moment of piece. Or at least it would've been if not for his pesky thoughts. He finished showering, got dressed and shaved, yet he didn't feel like was done. He needed to do something. Since he couldn't indulge in his drinking the self harm thoughts were worse. He stood there, pulling up his sleeves, the scars from that day sill looked dreadful. So he decided to go upper. He left no evidence of what he had done has he left the bathroom. He laid on the couch, tiredly watching tv. That's when Ian came in, smiling.

Ian: Good morning Shane!- he said has he closed the door.

Shane: Mhm.. morning...- he replied, out of it, the other noticing, looking at him whit worry has he took off his jacket.

Ian:Have you had breakfast yet?- he questioned, has he took off his work boots, putting on his fuzzy socks.

Shane: Not really....I'm not feeling that great...- he said honestly, just him admitting it was great, given how it was when the two started hanging out.

Ian: Phisicaly or emotionally?- the younger continued has he approached the other.

Shane: Yes.- the farmer put a hand to the other's head.

Ian: Yoba you're freezing... Did you walk around shirtless after taking a shower?- he asked has he grabbed a blanked and covered the other.

Shane: Yeah...

Ian: You dumbass... I thought a 30 year old would know that.- he added chuckling has he walked to the kitchen- What do you want for breakfast?

Shane: Nothing much really.

Ian: You drink coffee?

Shane: Yeah.

Ian: Alright I'll make you a cup.

Twenty minutes passed by, Shane was wandering why a godforsaken coffee was taking 20 minutes to make. That was until the younger walked out of the kitchen whit a tray, he sat up, noticing how besides rhe coffee there were some pancakes. He got emotional. Someone made him pancakes, the kind whit a smiley face made of fruit on top and all. All because he wasn't well. His eyes watered.

Shane: Oh c'mon I don't deserve this.

Ian: Yes you do. You're not feeling well so I wanted to help you feel a bit better.

Shane: Thanks Ian...

Ian moved the coffee table has the other ate, making room to lay over the floor two big fluffy blankets, before going upstairs and grabbing a pillow and laying down. They both laid there in silence for a while seeing tv. Ian wasn't sure if he should interact with Shane, but after a good half an hour he did.

Ian: Hey, you don't need to answer this but like, yesterday when you said you weren't getting in a relationship much less getting married, why did you think that?

Shane: Oh that's easy, there's no one out there for me.

Ian: Oh c'mon what do you mean? There's tones of people out there!- he said seating up now staring at the other that looked up in the ceiling.

Shane: Pff, name one!- he said in a jocking mood, yet the farmer wasn't jocking and decided to come clean whit it, in a desperate attempt to make the other feel any kind of better.

Ian: Me.- silence followed the other processing the answer to his question, he then sat up, raising an eyebrow has he looked at the smaller.

Shane: I'm sorry what?

Ian: I love you, dumbass. Since the day I first saw you in the valley I knew it. I'm like madly in love whit you and I really only want you to feel you better so, even against my better judgement, I'm telling this so you don't feel down.

There was moment of silence, the other's cheeks ever so slightly red, their heart had almost skipped a beat. He still felt bad, yet he didn't feel lonely. For the first time in a while he didn't felt lonely. And it felt great to know the one he loved, loved him back. He was so caught up in the moment that he didn't realize that they had been in a way to long of a silence, which, knowing how the other's anxiety was, he was panicking. His breathing was heavy, why hadn't him responded to his confession? Did he not like him back? Most certainly! He guessed. Why was the other reasons for such a long pause? The farmer anxiously chuckled before speaking.

Ian: I-I- spoke to m-much didn't I? I'm sorry I didn't want to make you un- he was stopped by the other speaking up.

Shane: No, no I just... Figuring the words.- he said chuckling - I haven't told them my feelings in a few years alright?

Ian: So you?

Shane: I love you two....

Ian didn't know how to react. It also been a while since he had been in any meaningful relationship. He'd just been screwing around whit people who didn't see him has a man but only really used him to satisfy a weird fetish. Ian hated that, but he did it to satisfy his needs. But now, to have someone that actually agrees that he is a man, someone who he cares about, say it back, was to much to process. Yet, not conscious of it, he had a smile ear to ear. When the famer finally snapped out of it he jumped onto the other's arms.

Ian: I love you so much!! It's nice to actually say it whitout being afraid!!- he added before kissing the other's cheek- Would you date me?- the older pulled away from the hug whit an worried look.

Shane: Yeah but ... Are you sure you should be in a relationship whit me? I make you anxious all the time and... I don't know if I still want to live...

Ian: Shane I don't care. If you do decide to go, it would hurt me either way... Just because we wouldn't be in a relationship doesn't mean I wouldn't stop loving you... Besides- he sighed - If you find that you're still suffering I... I wouldn't want to keep you from ending it... Sounds morbid but ... I'm willing to put aside my selfishness for what you think its best for you... Let's just enjoy living and being whit each other, for how long it lasts.

Shane sighed, not saying a word, only hugging them and laying down on the couch with them. They cuddled and eventually fell asleep has they watched tv. Even though his horrible thoughts, Shane could sleep, there was some kind of comfort that the other brought him and now the loneliness was gone he felt loved. Not because it was unconditional but because it was someone who genuinely interacted whit him and decided that he was good enough to get love.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!!

-MissevilXD