Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 17 Wondering

Shane woke up in the middle of the night. Another nightmare. He slowly left his boyfriend's grasp, Ian was sleeping so peacefully he didn't want to intervine. He went over to the other bedroom, where he still kept his stuff. He put on warmer clothes before heading downstairs. He opened the fridge... Nothing he like, or better, the thing he was looking for wasn't there. He sighed, knowing dam well the farmer wouldn't keep it in his house to respect Shane. But he didn't want to be respected, he wanted escapism. He closed the fridge, turning to see in the counter an open book. He looked around, he knew he shouldn't do what he was about to, but he still picked it up, reading the pages that were open. It was Ian's money and how much he was going to have to use to buy more seeds for his crops. It was dangerously low. He looked back at the other season's, everything was fine until this winter... Until he moved in. Shane was driving the other into financial hell. He sighed. Despite everything, his mental health still tanking, he made his mind. He had to go back to work. He put down the book, moving away from it, tomorrow morning he'd talk about coming back whit his manager. He sighed, going outside. The snow was almost all gone by today, so he didn't feel cold whit his jacket on. He walked to the forest, passing by a specific bush, he reached in. Jackpot. He thought has he grabbed a few beers from the stack before walking to the cliffs. He sat down at  the edge, before opening the can of beer. Back here unh? Back to drinking. Back to seating in godforsaken cliffs. Back to wanting to jump. So much happened but nothing changed did it? His encounters whit death were the only peace had lately... Well that is a lie. He knew it. Heda knew he had found peace whit Ian. But lying to himself made him feel better.  Because pretending he never actually felt better was better then thinking he did and now he sat here, drinking, feeling suicidal for nothing. That all of that time he was capable of feeling better but he didn't. He sighed, now looking at the stars. Maybe it was good that the therapy session was close... He didn't like what he was doing to himself.

Shane: I should probably stop...- he muttered, putting besides him the empty can. Two of them had gone by, but it was far from what he needed to get tipsy. He laid back, staring at the sky, only to realize that he wasn't alone. His eyes widened and slid back so now his whole body was on the ground- How much did you see?

Marnie: Either then you relapsing and then putting some self restraint, nothing.- she said opening her hand- Let's go to my home... Talk better there.- the younger sighed and got up, they began to walk to Marnie's place.

It was weird, how she was so kind right now. Maybe it had to do whit her finally catching a break from the other's toxic behavior.

Shane: Why are you even out at this hour?

Marnie: I may or may not stayed late chatting whit Lewis.

Shane: You two are really hitting it off well.- he stated has they got to the older's house. She locked the door after they were both in the kitchen she started to make tea.

Marnie: Shane, be honest, how are you feeling? Jas won't hear and I won't judge.

Shane: What is it to say? I'm still a mess. Being in a relationship or not won't change it!... I'm hopping going to therapy will work... I genuinely want to get better but it's so hard.

Marnie: Wait you're dating Ian?

Shane: Yeah... He makes me feel like I have a fighting chance... He's so nice... God I love him... But I'm fucking him financial wise.... I'm just a burden Marnie.

Marnie: Shane, did he tell you that?! Did he tell you you're a burden?- she asked, her protective side being more clear.

Shane: No! He would never say that but I saw how he doesn't have much money left.

Marnie: Well when you get back to work that would be solved so don't worry. Ian would ask you to comeback here if he couldn't deal whit you.

Shane: I guess it's right....- he said has the woman served some tea- On other lighter notes... Would you think Jas would be fine whit it?

Marnie: Shane, Jas knows you're bi, remember?

Shane: Yeah but like... What if she's made fun off? What if the town doesn't accept us?

Marnie:You've never cared about the town, so why did you start caring?

Shane: Because I...- he sighed - I guess deep down the voice that doesn't want me to kill myself is becoming more clear.... And if I'm intending on living, then I care that they are judging me.

Marnie: You don't need to worry about that. The town is more comprehensive then you think.

Shane: I guess you're right....- he sighed resting his head on the table- Thanks for talking to me... I wasn't exactly going to jump but I wasn't feeling that great...

Marnie: It's what family is here for... So... How's it going to be whit Jas?

Shane: There's an extra room in Ian's place but I haven't spoke about it whit him... And right now she should be whit you. I need to get better before I actually do my things has a legal guardian... I'll visit, often. Just don't know if I have what it takes to raise her right.

Marnie: I understand...-she said putting her hand on the other's shoulder- And just so you know, I think it's very responsible of you to be doing this.

Shane: Really? Cuz it doesn't feel like it...

Marnie: Really. It's hard to understand when we're wrong or when we need help. The fact you know that right now it's better she stays whit me shows you still know what's best Jas....- she said before grabbing the mugs and putting them on the sink- Go to sleep now. I think it's better if you do.

Whitout any more words the other got up and walked to his bedroom. He finally took off his coat before throwing himself on the bed. He stayed asleep all night, but it wasn't clear if was because of the alcohol or the talk whit Marnie had genuinely made him feel better.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!!

-MissevilXD the