Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 45 Spreading secrets

Ian woke up, not thinking much about this weird feeling of something was gonna go wrong. He got up got dressed and headed out, working on the farm before going into town. He felt watched but he did his best to ignore the feeling, well that was until the truth hit him. He was picking up some seeds from Pierre's when suddenly he was confronted whit the question.

Pierre: Hey Ian, I'm sorry for asking but I need to confirm it. Were you actually born a girl?- Ian stopped in his tracks, seamingly stop breathing. Reality had cracked, he was outted. By who? Didn't matter. What mattered was how his heart raced and his breathing became shallow. Before he could answer the question, he ran off to his house, locking himself in his room before pacing around his room his anxiety spiking. After a good while Ian went downstairs, taking some anxiety meds before laying down on his bed watching some tv, even whit how anxious he was, his meds made him sleepy, so he ended up passing out on the bed.

**
By now Shane knew what happened, he walked home unsure how his husband was feeling. This could be bad, really bad, so be tried to approach him has calmly has he could. He asked Jas to stay downstairs has he got up there. He slowly opened the door, noticing the tv was on, the light's were off and over the sheets was Ian, turned in the opposite side of the door. He turned the light, closing the door behind him, if Ian was spiraling the open door would make him more allert and he didn't want the other on the defensive. He sat on the bed, before speaking.

Shane: Hey Ian, how are you feeling my love? I heard what happened.- he said putting his hand on the smaller's arm, no response- Ian, love?- he asked feeling his heart rate spike, worried why the other wasn't responding before looking at his face, sighing- You fell asleep... Good, that way you won't worry about this..- he muttered, getting up, getting a blanket and covering his lover so he wasn't cold, before going back downstairs.

He made dinner for Jas, making enough for Ian in case he wanted to eat. After putting his goddaughter to bed and finishing his errands he went back upstairs, turning on the lights he saw his husband seating up rubbing his eyes, he walked next to him, the younger only realizing his presence when the other sat besides him.

Ian: Shane?- he asked, looking at him, only now the older noticed the other's face full of tears, putting a hand on his right leg.

Shane: Hey darling.... Did you sleep well?- the other gave a sad chuckle, before speaking.

Ian:Just cuz I was knocked out thanks to the meds it doesn't mean it's nice... Everyone knows Shane. And the more I think about it, the harsher the lights become and the harder it becomes to breath. It's all so much. What's gonna happen to me?!

Shane: Ian, it's gonna be fine.

Ian: How do you know?!- he almost screamed back, Shane was taken back, moving his hand away, the younger realzing what he just did- I- sorry. Sorry I shouldn't had screamed Jas is right next room and you don't deserve that.

Shane: It's fine... Did it make you feel better?

Ian:... No... Of course not...

Shane: How can I help you? I know this situation is really stressful I just want to help you.

Ian: Well unless you can magically make this disappear not really... I-I... I need to smoke.

Shane: Alright...- he said, the other going into the bathroom to smoke, Shane getting ready for bed, the taller laid down now, the younger got back inside the bedroom. Shane pulled the bedsheets away, the other seating down by his partner before resting his head on the other's shoulder.

Ian: If I just didn't go to Harvey... Maybe nothing of this would happened.

Shane: Ian, I know why you feel like that, but what if it was something serious going on?

Ian: I'd rather die then be outed like this Shane.

Shane: Let's not talk about death...- he asked, clearly the other bringing it up made him highly uncomfortable and anxious. He knew that if he himself spiralled it wouldn't help the situation- Are you hungry?- he asked holding the farmer's hand.

Ian: If I eat I'm gonna puke.

Shane: You rather just lay down? Watch a movie and cuddle? I know it won't make you feel better but it might make you drift to sleep... Tomorrow things might be easier.

Ian: This won't become easier.

Shane: How are you so sure?...

Ian: Right.- he replied before laying down, the other doing same, they spooned, Shane being the big one, hugging the other's waist, kissing his neck.

Shane: Everything is gonna be fine alright?- he reasured, in a sweet tone before slowly but surely drifting off to sleep, yet the famer couldn't do it.

His mind was flooded whit intrusive thoughts and the only real thing stopping him from self harming was that the other held him. He didn't want this again. The bullying? The harassment? The hate crimes? That all happened when he was last out about being transgender. He couldn't do it. So, afraid of facing reality and whit anxity increasing every minute he couldn't do much, but think how bad it would be. It's an old town, full of older people. No one would understand. He probably had to move again if things happened to get worse. But he didn't want to move again. He was finally fine, he had a husband and Jas, he loved being a farmer, he loved the house and the town. If he wasn't outted everything would be fine, but no, someone discovered who he was and decided to spread it around. Who was that sadistic fucker anyways? He asked himself. Has if finding the culprit for his suffering would make him feel better. He knew it wasn't, but still, from all people who he told, who would've snitched? Was it even someone he directly told about it?

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote for.
Much love!

-MissevilXD