Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 15 Comfort

They kicked off their shoes and got rid of their jackets has they got in the younger's house. Ian turned on the tv for background noise, before seating besides Shane. He couldn't lie, he was a bit nervous, but he took a deep breath, he knew the taller didn't mean to offend him and most likely he just wanted to clear somethings up. It's true, the questions the older held were mainly about how was his experience, what made him dysforic so he could avoid making him feel that way.

Shane: So like... You have to stab yourself how often?- he asked a bit bluntly, the other chuckled before speaking.

Ian: I take testosterone once a week.

Shane: Once a week?! Fuck that must hurt.

Ian: Yeah... And the tips are kinda thick two, but I gotten used to it... I endure it cuz I prefer this method.

Shane: Makes sense... What are your transitions goals by the way?

Ian: Oh, it's top surgery and a hysterectomy.

Shane: Why hysterectomy?

Ian: Well the only part of having what I have that makes me dysforic is menstruating, which I thought was going to disappear when I started T, but it didn't. So yeah. I'm on a waiting list since it's not urgent.

Shane: That sucks....

Ian: Could we change the subject please? I'm sick of thinking about this.

Shane: Yeah sure. I'm sorry for the bar thing...

Ian: It's fine, I understand.- he said has he got closer- Gotta say, that night we hooked up I must had been really drunk to not notice those amazing thighs of yours...- the farmer flirted has he moved his hand to the other's thigh.

Shane: Oh c'mon there's nothing special about it.- he said chuckling has the other sat on their lap.

Ian: Take my compliment you dumbass.- he added smiling, before resting their head on the other's shoulder.

Shane: Alright I will...- he added has he rubbed the other's back, has the taller watched tv. They were both really tired so they both knew the teasing wasn't going to lead to much. So cuddling was just perfect.

Ian completely relaxed on the others arms, he was sleepy, very sleepy, he kept dosing off and waking up. Being in such comfortable embrace, such a warm and loving environment was wonderful. This was something he didn't felt like he was ever going to have. Neither did Shane. He never felt like his mind was so empty like now. Empty has in he had no bad thoughts. Well... Maybe one or two, but he could think clearly. He wanted to be present there. Shane kept getting himself in situations that he would be sad to not experience if he did died that night, yet he didn't exactly want to live. It was this weird limbo that was stuck in his head. And it could only come because until now he never thought about the good things he has or could have. He never thought about himself positively really. Shane got more and more tired. Not having bad thoughts really made it easier to fall asleep. He ended up drifting off to sleep as well, snoring loudly has be held onto the other. They remained like that for hours, only really waking up by 2/3 am has they were freezing. The one who actually woke up first was Shane. He looked around, then looking at his lover, he was still fast asleep. He picked him up, getting up has he did so. Ian groaned, not aware of his surroundings.

Ian:Where are we going?...

Shane: To bed darling.

Ian: Is it warmer there?

Shane: Yeah.

Ian: Alright... Just don't let go of me....

Shane: I won't.- he said has he reached the bedroom, getting in before slowly laying the other on his bed, covering them whit his blanket.

Ian: Stay...- he muttered, the taller sighed, smiling, before going to the other side of the bed and laying down, Ian closing in. He snuggled against the other, the older played whit his hair has they both slowly drifted off to sleep.
**
Ian woke up to the other petting his hair and whispering his name. He looked confused has he noticed that his boyfriend was on the phone. What was the time? Did he wake up late? Before he could think of questioning that, the other spoke up in a sweet and low tone.

Shane: Morning Ian... It's 6 am so I thought I'd wake you up, rather then you wake up to that noisy alarm.

Ian: Thanks?- he asked squinting, looking at the other who put down his phone- Why are you even awake?

Shane:I had a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep.

Ian: Are you alright hun?- he asked holding the other's face.

Shane:Yeah, I'm... Fine.- he sighed.

Ian: Want to go pet the chicken's? They always make you feel better.

Shane: Yeah actually... But laying here feels so nice....- the younger slowly got up, seating besides his partner.

Ian: I know...- he groaned, has he got up- I'mma make breakfast, come down whenever you feel like it.- he added before going downstairs. After a few minutes he got back into the bedroom, Shane still dreading getting up, the farmer grabbed some clean clothes and went to the bathroom. Has he took a shower, the taller finally got out of the bed, groaning.  He made his way to the other bedroom, getting his stuff and getting dressed has well. Today was less cold then the ones before, truly spring was coming. It was weird for Shane. He never thought he'd make it to the end of this year, much less to spring. He wasn't sure he liked it or not. Spring was colorful and full of light, that was something he despised. Yet this year he didn't feel so negatively about it. He was just indifferent. Was that a good thing? True, he was getting used to life and being happy. But being indifferent wasn't good. Not having opinions, not having attachments was dangerous for a man like him. He did have attachments. Yet they didn't give him the comfort he needed. Well for the most part. He felt comfortable whit Ian, but it didn't mean that he could stop him again. It was a weird limbo. When you know you're gonna hurt the ones you love but you keep thinking about it. It was annoying. Maybe now made sense to do stuff for himself. If he liked living he wouldn't leave his loved one's.

Why didn't that dammed session come untill a week?

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!!

-MissevilXD