Please Don't Give Up- [Shanexoc]

Chapter 6 Lake

It was the morning after, Shane,like usual, woke up to the sound of his alarm,  yet there was nothing usual whit last night. The alcoholic sighed, moving over to his bathroom, taking a shower and thinking about last night. Then when he was getting dressed, when he walked to work, it was everywhere. Even has he stocked shelves, it was there. Why did he do that? It's true, it's been a good while since he had any type of sexual incounter for a few a years even, but he wasn't that desperate... Was he? Did he really sink so low he'd throw himself at the first person who cared about him? That thought stuck in his head. What was Ian to him? Nothing but a stranger that just offered him kindness. And what did this mean about him? That he was an alcoholic that would throw himself at the first chance. He sighed, before walking to the bathroom, locking himself in. He opened the faucet before washing his face, has if would wash away the bad thoughts. He looked himself in the mirror, hatting his reflection. He didn't do anything else, instead leaving and finishing work. He walked whit two cans of beer to the lake in cindersap. He sat on the peer, looking down at the lake that was still wasn't in the process of deforesting. He opened a can of beer, his fingers hurt, even whit the gloves on. It was just the consequences of his actions, before spiraling again. He then heard footsteps, then he noticed someone sat besides him. He didn't looked their way, still just drinking.

Ian: I'm sorry about last night I- the older stopped him.

Shane: Its fine...

Ian: So we're cool?

Shane: No.

Ian: Why not?

Shane: Because I don't need you around. You'll only make things more difficult.

Ian: Like what?- silence followed- I'm sorry I ask to many questions.

Shane: You do.- he said before handing him his beer- But I... Don't let this go to your head... I enjoy your company... The valley can get lonely when you have no one your age...

Ian: I noticed... I started to befriend the old people in here...

Shane: Congrats you've befriend the alcoholic, that's a nice upgrade.- he scoffed.

Ian: So you do admit you have a problem?

Shane: Don't we all have?

Ian: To some sort... I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours.- the other chuckled before answering.

Shane: I'll humor you... But you go first.

Ian: Well... The real reason I wanted to move to the valley its because no one here knows my biggest secret. I thought I'd be treated differently. I'd be happier. I thought I would stop self harming... But it didn't change... But I'm working on it. And it's not has bad.

Shane: What's that secret?

Ian: Now that's to much... What's your problem?

Shane: Obviously drinking.... But I also self harm.

Ian: Mind if I ask why?- the older sighed.

Shane: You're seriously sit there and pretend you don't know. I'm a mess. You know it.

Ian: Shane, I don't...

Shane: My life is a mess. I'm well unto my adult years and here I am, working a soul sucking job, I still live in my aunt's house. There's nothing in this life for me.

Ian: Not even, a friendship?

Shane: Who would even want to be my friend? Just look at me.

Ian: I do.- he said putting his hand over the other's, that rested on the piers wood, Shane moving his away.

Shane: Believe me, you wouldn't... There's a bunch of better people then me out there. Go lick their boots instead of mine.- he stated before grabbing another beer, opening it and drinking.

Ian: Why won't you let me get close to you?

Shane: Why won't you go bother someone else?

Ian: Because I already know them and I haven't connected whit them like I have whit you.- he said looking into the ice below them.

Shane: Listen Ian, don't do that effort. It's not worth it believe me.

That was his subtle way of telling him to not get to attached, all of his attitude was. Shane didn't want to live, it was obvious, but it wasn't so obvious the other caught it.

Ian: Shane you are. You're worthy of love and meaningful friendships.- the older got up, the smaller doing the same.

Shane: You still don't get it do you?! Just.... Leave me.- he said turning his back to the other and leaving. He'd be lying if it didn't felt bad, but he knew it was needed.

He cared to much about Ian to let him closer. That was the truth. Shane had gotten attached to Ian this last few days and he didn't want the same to happen. All because he knew his mental health was degrading and he was one bad day away of ending it all. Yet that was a truth only he knew of. He didn't want to talk about it because he wouldn't possible do it.... Right? He did almost die the other day and Jas would miss him... But would his aunt?... Would the rest of the town even notice? Maybe it was better if it didn't. It took the pressure out of him. He  now laid in his bed whit his pijamas on, staring at the ceiling. Damned be his insomnias, has his worst thoughts would crawl in his mind. He sighed. His brain flooded whit his suicidal ideation. This is why he drank. He didn't want to think about his miserable life and he didn't want to think about ending it all. Jas would be sad. He kept thinking. Yet he already had justified leaving her. But he couldn't do the same for Ian. Why did this famer mean so much for him? It was just a drunk hook up. Yet he was caring, sweet and he didn't judge. Is this the actual reason to keep him away? Because he right now was looking like the only one who could stop him and he did not want to be stopped? He wanted to die. And time passed by he realized he really did not want to spend another day in this world. He was going to do it.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter if so please comment your thoughts and vote.
Much love!!

-MissevilXD