wm/eo daughter one-shots

struggling (eo)

Made this because I am currently struggling with my metal health and SH. So this is your warning that this chapter contains descriptions and thoughts of SH, depression and suicide. To anyone else going through this, I'm so sorry. My dm's are always open if anyone wants to talk

Riley is 15

~~~

"For fucks sake!!" I yell at myself, as I stare at my wrist.

I had just relapsed after nearly a month of being clean, because off some boys in my class.

God I'm so pathetic!!

I quickly run into my bathroom and start trying to wipe away the blood as tears pool in my eyes. I had been doing so well...

After I'd cleaned up my mess I grab some plasters and stick them haphazardly up my arm, so the blood didn't go onto my clothes.

I sombrely walk over to my phone and press reset on my app. Watching that line go back to zero seconds clean, broke me...

"Ri! Movie's starting!" I hear Mama yell from downstairs.

"Coming!" I shout back, trying to keep my voice as even as possible, as I roll my sleeves down and shove my blade into my drawer so Mom wouldn't see it.

She doesn't know that I've relapsed recently. Neither does Dad. It would worry them too much and it always makes Mom upset, which then makes me upset, so I decided to deal with this on my own. I don't need there help.

~~~

I hadn't been getting better. I was getting worse. Much worse.

I'm relapsing every single fucking night. I can't seem to go one day without dragging that blade across my arm. It just feels so good...

While I'm doing it I just feel numb. All the voices stop, all the thoughts stop, and in that moment the world is just silent, and I get completely zoned out.

I know I should tell Mama and Dad, but if I tell them then they will try to get me to stop, but I don't want to stop. I need it. I need it.

It was late one evening when I was laying on my bed, trying to keep my mind of the one thing that I wanted to do.

I had had a shit day. The boys were constantly calling me homophobic slurs at school, and the other girls twice commented rudely on my appearance.

Usually these things wouldn't bother me, but at the moment everything anyone says goes straight to my brain, and it buzzes around with everything else, making my thoughts unbearable.

I don't want to be in my own mind.

Unable to resist the urge any longer, I scramble through my draw until I find the shiny blade that was sparkling under the light.

Without even thinking to lock my door, I completely zone out and go into a sense of bliss as I drag the blade across my scarred wrist, watching blood steadily form on the surface, before gently trickling down my arm.

I don't feel the pain. I don't feel anything. That's the fun of it. I don't feel ANYTHING.

I'm broken from my daze, when I hear someone knock on the door.

"Riley can I come in?" My Mom calls.

Shit.

"No, I'm changing!!" I shout, staring at my wrists in fear. I'm done for.

I try to reach for some tissue, but I accidentally knock a book onto the floor.

"Are you okay in there, Riley?" Mama asks, and I can hear a tone of worry in her voice.

"I'm fine, Mom! Go away!" I tell her, trying to clean up the blood, but more just kept coming.

"Right baby, I'm coming in." She announces, and I can hear the door start to open.

Shit! I hurriedly throw the blade across the room and roll down my sleeves, just as Mom walks in.

"What did you just throw?" She questions, looking at me with a calculated stare.

"Nothing!" I snap, wanting her to leave. "Get out!"

"No Riley, what are you doing in here?" She asks firmly, walking closer towards me.

"I was getting changed, Mama!" I protest, trying to get her to go as quickly as possible.

"Baby... what's that on your hoodie?" She asks, staring at my hoodie sleeve.

I hurriedly look down and see a few spots of blood on my white hoodie.

I'm so done for...

"It's nothing!" I lie, folding my arms across my chest and trying not to wince.

"It's not nothing, Riley!" Mama protests. "Show me your arms please."

No no no no no no no! This can't be happening!!

"I'm not showing you my arms Mom! I'm fine, it's just pen!"

"Stop lying to me, Riley..." Mom walks a few paces closer to me, and I can't stop the tears that start falling down my face.

"I'm sorry..." I whisper, my voice cracking, before I burst into sobs.

Mama is quick to rush over and pull me into a hug, holding me tightly and whispering comforts into my ear.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!!" I sob, clutching her shirt in my fists.

"It's okay baby... it's okay..." Mama picks me up, rocking me slightly as I finally let all my emotions out.

After crying for a good 10 minutes, I feel Mom move to sit down on my bed with me on her lap.

"NEVER be sorry for relapsing... okay? This is not your fault, but you should have come to me or Dad. We want to help you baby." She tells me, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Sorry..." I mumble again, not knowing what else to say.

"Come on, hun." Mama kisses my forehead. "Let's go get these cleaned so you don't end up with an infection."

She stands up and holds her hand out for me to take, but I instead make grabby hands at her. I may be 15, but I'm not very tall or heavy, besides who doesn't wanna be carried by there Mom?

Mama just smiles and picks me up easily, walking into her bathroom, and setting me carefully on the counter.

"Can I see?" She asks gently, touching the bottom of my hoodie sleeve.

I nod slowly, looking away so I don't have to look at it.

Mama gently rolls up my sleeves. "Oh baby..."

She quickly gets to work cleaning the cuts with antiseptic and warm water, which stung a little bit, but I could hardly complain at this point. Mom finishes by putting plasters on all of the cuts and kissing my arm lightly.

"All better." She smiles, pecking my nose.

"Thank you..." I mumble, quickly rolling down my sleeves again, before falling into another hug.

"Don't thank me for looking after you, Ri. Next time you feel like this, try to come to me or Dad so we can't help distract you, okay?"

I nod quickly. "I will."

Again I have no idea when the next update will be out. I just made this as a kind of vent. Where is Lizzie when you need her?