wm/eo daughter one-shots

oh darling don't you ever grow up (eo)

I haven't ever really done a chapter like this before but you will get it as you read. Italics are flashbacks, hope everyone enjoys and sorry it's so long

tw: self-harm, sexual assault, anxiety, toxic relationships, depressive thoughts and behaviour

Riley is 17

~~~

Having someone you care about mess with you until the point of insanity is a strange thing to go through.

You wonder when it began and then you wonder if anything was real in the first place, or was it just all fake to them?

Did they ever actually care? Did they just use you?

The question will always be left unanswered.

Despite having a great mom, an attentive dad, a big house with a white picket fence and constant food in the fridge, my life hasn't been all the rainbows and sunshine's it maybe should have been with my mother being a famous actress and my father being a singer.

For as long as I can remember I have suffered with severe anxiety.

Every morning before school when I was a child I would screen and beg for my mom not to leave me there as I felt that something terrible was going to happen. Of course it never did, but how do you explain anxiety to a four year old?

~~~

"No mama, no!!" I scream and dig my heels into the carpeted floor of the kindergarten while my mother tries to practically drag me into my classroom.

"Baby please, mommy has to go to work." My mom sighs, picking me up as I flail my arms and legs around manically.

I continue to sob and scream in her arms. "Mommy don't leave me!!"

With hurt in her eyes as other mothers and teachers alike stare at my erratic behaviour, she reluctantly places me down inside the classroom in the play area where some of my classmates were sitting.

"Mama loves you baby, and I'll be back at 2 I promise." She simply tells me, leaving one last kiss on my forehead before hurrying out of the door as I scream my little lungs out for her to come back, a teacher trying her best to console me.

~~~

Try doing that every morning for 5 years. It wasn't my fault I felt that way, and yet no one seemed to help me understand the feelings I was having as they didn't understand themselves. How could they?

My mom and dad never liked leaving me, but they didn't know what to do so they followed my teacher's instructions, which were to just leave me and let me cry it out. I could tell they weren't happy about it, but they just wanted to try and do what was best for their only daughter.

I would always see mommy crying as she left me at school, and daddy would always sit in the car outside for a while before driving away.

But they never came back in to get me as I screamed my little lungs out for them.

It was when I was a little older when I discovered my extreme emetophobia after having a tummy bug that left me violently ill for days.

It was the worst week of my life and ever since that fateful bug I have had an extreme fear of sick in any circumstances.

People without this phobia are lucky as you have no idea how much it impacts your life every day. Combine that with general anxiety and leaving the house feels like climbing a mountain some days.

When eating out, the food could be undercooked and make me sick. When travelling, I could catch something or pick up a bug from anywhere I touch, as well as having panic attacks from being in a new, unfamiliar place. Parties. Day outs. Car journeys. Events. School. Heck even someone mentioning they feel sick causes me to spiral.