𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝'𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝 {𝐀.𝐁}

Chapter Twenty-One

I wasn't sure what I wanted.

It's like the world has fallen on me as I realise, what did I actually want? Everyone was telling me something different that I'm confused on what I really want to do with this.

Samantha has already booked an appointment for an ultrasound and Austin has already decided he wanted to keep the child. But it was my body so did I want that child? Or am I giving into everyone's desires on what they want?

Sitting on the bench in front of the doctors surgery, I stare at the passers-by that drive and walk past. Everyone had their own lives to live and I had mine. Each person had their own difficulties and I had my own. How were they so sure? Or were they not?

"Hey," Austin interrupts my train of thoughts as he walks up to me with his hands in his pockets. He stares down onto me as his lips remain tightened. I knew what he was thinking and what he wanted to say, but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear any opinions of anyone.

"Hey," I mumble as I sit up right.

"Can I sit with you?" He asks. I nod, allowing him to sit beside me. He takes a seat as he looks out to the world. I could read his face as he clearly wanted to say something, anything related to the baby and my decision.

"Austin," I whisper as I grab his hands.

"It's just that, I know you don't know what to do," he bursts. "And it's hard to choose. But, is there any chance we can keep the baby? Like, I can look after it. You don't even need to look after him, I'll do it myself," he rants quickly.

I could sense the desperation on his face. His eyes plead with me, eyebrows furrowing as his mouth remains tightened into a frown. Even his body posture is hunched, defeated as he really wanted the child so badly.

Mouth agape, I couldn't believe my ears. It's that, I couldn't allow a child in the world if I wasn't apart of its life. I wanted to be apart of their life, but I didn't want to be apart of their life? So my choice was that, I wanted to abort it.

"Austin," I whisper. "If I have the child, I would want to be apart of its life. But I have a life of my own. So...I would want to abort it," I mumble the last part.

My head lowers as I couldn't see his face. I didn't want to see his face fall at all. But I do feel his hands rip away from mine. My heart sinks as I realise he's stood up, staring down onto me.

"Abort it?" His voice raises. "Abort it?" He exclaims as his hands run through his hair. "I can't believe this, Lillith? Is it because you don't think I'll be a good father?  I swear I will be. I'll try my absolute hardest to give it everything," he pleads, eyes full of desperation.

He even gives up his pride as he gets onto his knees in front of me, hands intertwined as he looks me in the eyes. Everything about him screamed he wanted to be a father but I wasn't sure I wanted to be a mother in the first place.

"Austin. You will be a good father, but will I be a good mother? I'm proving I can't be since I don't even want the child. I can't give it the love it deserves," I shake my head as I try to hold my sobs in.

His face falls into broken pieces of glass. I've ruined him, ruined the one dream he's hoped for, for my own. It was my body and my life and I had to make my own decisions on what I actually wanted. If it meant ruining his, I had to be selfish this one time for me.

"I'll give it the love from both of us. You don't even have to be apart of its life," he pleads as he finally stands up. "No, Lillith, I don't understand you. You wanted a family and the second we start one, you're running away?" He snaps.

"Excuse me?" I snap as I also rise. "I do want a family but not right now. I'm just starting out in my career. I have to work twice as hard than a man since women don't get what you all have. I'll have to look after that child while you go work and make those dollars and I can't stand the thought since it's also my dream!" I gesture at myself, voice raising as well.

"But, I said I'll look after him. You don't have to be apart of its life!" He snaps.

"But I would have to. I would feel obligated as a mother!" I snap. "I can't stand the thought of my child hating me for leaving," I bite back. "So, I want to abort it. I don't want this child at all," I seethe as I realise I wanted that.

"Then leave!" He snaps as he takes a step closer. "But the second you abort that child, you're only Priscilla to me," he seethes, eyes burning with anger. My heart sinks as I realise what he just said.

"So, you're leaving me now? Because of this stupid baby? What about everything that happened? The way you said you'll always be there for me and never leave?" I snap as I narrow my eyes and clench my fists.

"Stupid baby? Now, that's why I want to leave you. Because I know where you stand with a family. All you want is fun while I want to eventually start a family. I never got that, but I could give that to my child. I could make him happy, happier than I ever was," he exclaims.

Frustrated, he runs his hands through his hair as he paces up and down. I understood how much he wanted that child but I never understood why. But I still was firm on my decision.

"Just leave, Austin. I don't want to ever see you again if you put that much pressure on me. It's my body and I decide what I want to do," I snap.

"Fine, do what you want. But I'm leaving and I'm never coming back," he snaps. "Look in my eyes one more time and realise what kind of mistake you're making," he looks me in the eyes for the last time before he storms off.

He leaves me in the sudden cold.

《》

I swear they both have character development ;(