It's official.I have no home. Home as in a person who happened to be the love of my life; Austin. Now he was just a nobody to me as he left me standing in the cold, right in front of the doctor's surgery.
He wanted to be apart of the child's life but I sure didn't. I had no knowledge of how I could be a mother and how to give the child the love it deserved. I didn't even have the best role model of a mother to help me with this whole thing.
I didn't have a lover. I didn't have parents. I didn't have an actual house I could call home. And I wasn't even sure I had friends who wanted to be associated with me. All I had was myself and this child growing inside of me.
Watching Austin walk away was hard enough. Now, as I amble down the street of my home town, I watch people. I watch them walk past me in families, with friends, with lovers. They all seemed so happy, unlike the lonely girl who didn't know how to sort her life out.
The tears fall down on my cheeks like a waterfall, drenching my shirt and wetting my lips. It falls, just like me. I fell and I don't know how to get up. Austin was supposed to be there through this. He was supposed to be my safety net but he isn't here anymore.
"You stupid cat! Leave my sushi alone!" A female voice floats to my ears, which allows my ears to perk up. My eyes trail to the 5'5 foot woman with black hair and green eyes, trying to kick a black cat with beautiful shiny and fluffy fur.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I exclaim.
Rushing to the cats aid, it looks to be a small kitten with yellowish green eyes. Its eyes said a different story; scared and confused as they remain dilated.
"What do you want?" The small Asian woman snaps at me. "Can't you see this cat won't leave me and my food alone?" She continues as she waves the cat off.
"Okay, that doesn't give you the right to actually kick the poor thing," I snap at her, eyes blazing down onto her. "Take your food and leave. In fact, give me a piece of it right now," I shock myself as I extend my hand out towards her.
"What?" Her eyes widen a little.
"You heard me. Give me a piece of tuna from your sushi. This poor cat is hungry," I snap at her, as I see her eyes remain wide and mouth falls agape.
"I don't–"
But what shocks both of us is when my tears begin to fall once again. It's not silent tears but actual heavy ones. It's ones that I've been holding on for many years about my mother, father, my career, Austin and now the baby.
"It's just that– this poor cat. So helpless and alone. How could you be so soulless to not feed this poor cat?" I exclaim, the sobs coming in waves. The tears keep on coming as I heave the words out.
She remains shocked. Eyes wide open, eyebrows furrowed, mouth agape as she gazes directly at me; at the dramatic girl in front of her that's crying about a cat not being able to eat sushi in peace.
"I can't do this anymore. Why do I relate to a cat now?" I exclaim as I gesture to the cat. "Like, no one to care for it and no home," I sob actual heavy tears.
Luckily, the cat is friendly. So, bending over, I allow it to sniff my finger. I wait for her to sniff it and make sure she's actually okay with me. Realising it's okay I slowly pick the small kitten up and hold it close to my body.
I stare into the kittens eyes, allowing myself to finally have someone. The kitten gazes back into my eyes before rubbing its head onto my cheek and licking me without a doubt. It was perfection; someone to call mine again.
"You're coming home with me...Bear," I decide the name. Considering the fluff on its cheek, it's cute and sweet. "Lets go home and feed you actual cat food that's not sushi. Stuff sushi. I'll make you better ones," I say to the cat with a sharp nod and tap to its small wet nose.
Strutting off, I don't allow myself to fall again. However, the lady calls back at me. "Here's some tuna," she shrugs as she places a little in my hand. I smile as I feed it to Bear, allowing her to sink into my touch.
Walking off with Bear in my arms, I make a quick stop to Woolies where I gather some cat food for her. Considering I'm taking care of a cat now, I needed the basic necessities of her.
《》
Placing Bear in her new home, I watch as the small black kitten gradually makes herself at home. She sniffs around at first, allowing herself to feel comfort before she heads off in some direction.
Now that the vet had washed, and treated her, I felt ease when she walks around without a worry in the world. She looks so peaceful as she walks to her cat bowl and bites some biscuits.
Maybe a cat was just what I needed.
Plopping onto the couch, I allow myself to succumb to the depths of the comfort. I don't turn the TV on or check my phone as I stare at the white wall and think.
I didn't know what to do. Confused, sad, angry and annoyed was something I was definitely feeling though. Confused about the baby, angry at Austin and annoyed and sad at myself for letting it go this far. I shouldn't of let myself fall for him.
Suddenly, Bear jumps onto my lap and makes herself comfortable–moving around until she makes herself a small ball and curls up on my lap. She's a gorgeous cat that you don't find nowadays. Especially her personality.
I pat her gently, Bear finally purring and sleeping. My mind runs a marathon. It runs through all the possibilities and outcomes of what could happen. I lost everyone. I especially lost the only one who I thought will stay forever.
Sighing, I turn the TV on. And to my dashing luck, it was an interview of Austin. My heart falls as his face pops up and I allow myself to let a tear go. He looked absolutely beautiful but I couldn't allow myself to fall in love again.
"So, Austin. It's great to have you on the Jimmy Fallon Show!" Jimmy exclaims as he claps with the rest of the audience.
Austin smiles. "It's great to be here, Jimmy. This place. Oh, I'm in awe. I actually can't believe it," he exclaims as he looks around with a bright smile.
"I'm glad you're here. So, tell me what's been happening with your upcoming movie, Elvis? How do you feel being put up to the test? To fill in some legends shoes?" Jimmy asks with a smile.
"Uh, it's been one heck of a ride," Austin begins as he runs his hand through his hair. "Alot of sleepless nights and so much practising. It feels like school all over again, studying for a test and all," he laughs slightly with a large smile.
"I definitely know what you mean. It's some tough role you've got there. But now, tell me what's been happening with you and Lillith? There's been some drama in the media. You both running from the paps, the hospital, and now the doctor's surgery?" Jimmy ask curiously.
Wait, how did he know about the doctor's surgery?
He pulls up photos from paps, sliding them across to show much more. My heart drops as I realise every single photo was at least somehow touchy. I knew we were a couple but the media didn't and these photos proved just that.
Even Austin's eyes widen a little. He chuckles nervously. "Oh, those. No, we weren't a couple," the lie rolling off his tongue as he shakes his head. "I'm just being a good friend and all. She needed a friend for all those times," he lies again.
"A friend? But didn't you both hate eachother at first?" Jimmy pesters him.
Austin shrugs. "Yeah, we did. But things change. She actually grew on me,"
"So, there may be a future for you and Lillith?" Jimmy smiles with hopeful eyes.
"No. No future for us. She's only Priscilla to me," he stares right at the camera, right into my eyes and soul. And that's when I knew he meant those words.
《》
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𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝'𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝 {𝐀.𝐁}
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