𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝'𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝 {𝐀.𝐁}

Chapter Thirty-Eight

That burning feeling tugs at my inner core as I let the emotions of anger and sadness continue to pulse in my body.

So many feelings are brewing deep in my inner core as I allow myself to feel. I wanted to feel every pulsing beat of emotions that burned to come out.

Staring at the lake where Austin and I once sat amongst, I gaze out into the unknown. I gaze at each tree, animal and the large lake that captures my views in this moment.

Austin's home, being able to sink in his own feelings as I am. I wanted a day away from him to just soak in who I am and what I wanted in life.

Don't get me wrong, I love Austin and everything about him, but being with him everyday of my life, I'm bound to be burnt out. I'm bound to get sick of him.

I know who I am.

I'm that strong and independent woman with a funny and bubbly personality who wanted to try everything in this life. However, ever since I started filming Elvis and met Austin, I felt like I lost who I was.

I truly felt like I lost a part of my old self to accommodate for who I am today. I really did miss who I was, even though I also like who I am today.

It's hard to know what I like today.

I just need a reminder of who I am. Someone who cares about the homeless, always giving change to those in need. Someone who contributed to an orphanage for those children in need. And someone who cared about Austin, even more about herself.

But somehow, I've accepted that.

I've accepted the fact that I'm a new person. Even though I loved the old person I was, I've become someone entirely new and someone who's flourished into what she actually wanted.

Staring out into the unknown, I take in the scene that always brought peace. I really feel lost and incomplete within this world but I'm learning to find myself once again–even with the help of Austin.

Picking up myself, I stand up and try to steady myself. Being pregnant, don't get me wrong, is good and makes me connect with my children, but it's hard to do things I really missed.

However, I turn away and try to forget all my problems on this lake. I wanted to start fresh and forget and forgive Austin after all these things. After all, he's treated me right...most of the time.

《》

Walking past the roses that bloom in the wild garden outside of Austin and I's house, I make my way through the pavement to reach the front porch.

The house is absolutely beautiful with a large garden of wild roses and flowers that filter along the pavement and driveway to the ridiculously large house.

Opening the front door, my eyes widen as I realise there's so many red and white roses strung along the walls in the hallway towards the living room.

Elvis seeps through my ears, 'Can't help Falling In Love', a sweet and beautiful melody that brought so much peace. A song that always manages to bring love.

I amble in, eyes gazing around as I keep walking towards the living room. I don't understand what's particularly happening but I know Austin has something to do with this evening.

The living room is something entirely new–something that didn't look familiar. All red and white roses strung along the furniture as the yellowish lights are dim.

The evening is beautiful with the yellowish and red sun that falls down to indicate the night has come as the birds rest high up into their nests on trees.

The sun set in the sky as fresh colours brushed upon an artist's canvas, as if those rays were destined to create a great work of art - one given to those open to capturing simple moments in the soul.