Embracing the Cold

Chapter 42

Nag-usap na kami ni Direk at nagsimula na rin ang taping. Lea really has a talent. Hindi nga lang sila magkasundo ni Findlay. Kapag break time ay irap nang irap ang babae sa kanya.

"He's disgusting. Akala mo kung sinong sobrang gwapo." Reklamo na ni Lea nang maupo sa harap ko. Tumawa lang ako.

"He's nice. You guys should go out sometimes," tukso ko sa kanya. Sinamaan niya lang ako ng tingin na tinawanan ko lang.

Buong araw ako sa taping. Hindi muna ako bumisita sa Library Cafe. It helps, aliw na aliw ako sa dalawa. Panay ang ngisi ni Findlay at palagi ring nakasimangot si Lea. Findlay is Direk's nephew and he also knows how to speak Tagalog! Not really fluent but he can speak Tagalog.

"Have you eaten?" Pangatlong tanong na ito ngayon ni Findlay. It's already 7 PM. Hectic pala ng sched nila. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

"10 minutes ago sabi ko oo, Findlay." Sagot ko.

"I just thought you're bored." He chuckles and stretch his arms. "So, where do you want to go now?" Baling niya sa akin. Natahimik ako. There's no way I'm going back to the condo. I can't face his lies anymore.

"Siguro sa condo," taliwas sa iniisip ko. As much as I want to badly avoid him, I have to get my things. That's not my condo. This time, I'm letting him go for real. I admit I still love him but I can't forever be blinded by his affair. Well, hindi naman affair. We've broken up and never really got back together officially.

"Are you sure?" Seryosong tanong ni Findlay. Tumango ako. Agad kaming lumabas ng building at pumasok sa sasakyan niya. Hindi ko alam kung nabalitaan ba nila Bryce ang nangyari kay Burgos pero ang importante ay alam kong nakakulong si Burgos.

Nakarating kami sa condo at dire-diretso ang lakad ko papunta sa unit. I asked Findlay to wait me in the car.

Huminga muna ako nang malalim bago niswipe ang card. Calm down, Quish. Bryce is not here. He's busy working. Nagulat ako nang pagpasok ko ay nandoon si Bryce. Balisa at tila problemado. Napaangat siya ng tingin sa akin at mabilis na naglakad upang mayakap ako. Napapikit ako sa higpit ng yakap niya. Enjoy it because this will be the last, Quish.

"Where have you been? I'm so worried! Why aren't you answering your phone? Why were you not in the Library Cafe?" Tuloy-tuloy na tanong niya nang kumalas sa yakap, alalang-alala. I wanted so bad to caress his face. I want so bad to take his pain away. I want so bad! I want him so bad!

But I managed to stay calm and serious. I just have to think of him and Melis and I'm back to my usual self. A bitch.

"I'm leaving," seryosong sagot ko. Ignoring his questions. Nagulat siya.

"Where, love? Do you want to go home? We can live there temporarily," sagot niya kahit bakas sa mukha ang pagkalito.

"No. I'm leaving alone." Desididong sagot ko. Naguguluhan siyang umiling.

"Nahuli na si Burgos," pag-iiba niya sa usapan. "We can get married already. We can live in peace." Pangungumbinsi niya. Kita ko ang lungkot sa mga mata niya but I have to get out of here as soon as possible. Hindi ko siya pinansin at dumiretso sa kwarto. Nilagay ko lahat ng gamit sa malaking maleta. "Why? Can you tell me what's happening please?" Mahina niyang pakiusap na umupo sa gilid ko para pigilan ako sa ginagawa. I can't be here longer. I know, anytime, magiging marupok ako. Seeing his face, I can't ignore him. I can't.

Breathe in, breathe out Quish.

"Can't you see? I'm leaving. I'm leaving you. I'm leaving us. I'm leaving all the memories behind. I don't want you anymore." Seryoso kong sagot at nag-iwas ng tingin. Lies after lies. Natigilan siya at inabot ang kamay ko.