It's always been you

Chapter 43 - Songbird

JOSEPH POV

"Joe, I'm pregnant."

The words rang in my ears and I stared at her, my eyes wide with shock.

"You're....what?" "I'm pregnant. That was the new role we scored. Parenthood. We were going to tell everyone at dinner. I'm 12 weeks." "Oh Luce!"

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't exactly say congratulations and be happy for her. Lucy was having Oliver's baby. But Oliver was dead. What the hell was she going to do? In 6 months she'd be a mother. But she'd still be a widow. Hang on I'm smoking around a pregnant woman!

I stubbed out my cigarette quickly in the ashtray and then stood up to drag my chair closer to hers. "What're you going to do?" "I don't know. Yesterday I had a husband and we were talking about what to call our baby and what colour to paint the nursery. And now he's gone."

Her voice broke on the last sentence and she buried her face in her hands letting the tears flow, the sobs coming thick and fast. I held her close to me and let her bury her face in my chest again. "Luce. I'm not going to try and comfort you with cliches or hollow words.  I know it won't help. Tell me if I CAN help at all." She just sniffled some more as I rocked us gently back and forth.

Eventually, exhaustion took hold of her and she walked up stairs to bed. Her shoulders were slumped, her eyes were dull, her hair had lost its lustre, her skin had lost its glow. And now there was a baby on the way for her to think about too

LUCY POV

Day 3 felt the same as days 1 and 2. He was still gone. Joe hadn't left in the whole three days. He was currently sitting around the dining table with Richard, Sarah and David along with my parents as we spoke about funeral arrangements. I had two requests. "Songbird", it was our song. It had been since he played it on the piano and sang to me in our first Christmas all those years ago. My second request was no black. I didn't want there to be a sea of black when I arrived at the church in four days which was to be the day of the funeral. I requested that everyone wear colour.

The police had come round several times. The other driver who wasn't injured was also under the influence of alcohol. He'd been arrested and charged with Oliver's death and refused bail.

I hadn't yet told our families I was pregnant. I couldn't. I needed to get through this funeral first. One day at a time. I'd tell them afterwards. Joe was the only one who knew and he swore he wouldn't tell anyone else. He made sure I ate, he kept me hydrated, he held my hair back and got me a damp cloth when the morning sickness hit me. All things that Ollie should be doing.

The night before Ollie's funeral, Nikki sat with me whilst I took a bath. She was staying with me tonight, along with Joe. She would do my hair in the morning and apply my makeup, no doubt there would be members of the press outside the church trying to get photos of myself and the Blake's.

I kept turning to talk to Oliver. To tell him when I felt the morning sickness nausea, to ask if he wanted a cup of tea when I went to make myself one, to ask for his help reaching something in a high cupboard. And then the pain would come back tenfold when I remembered he wasn't here anymore.

FF THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL

Today was the day. I was burying my husband today. I woke before dawn and went to sit outside in the garden to watch the sunrise. As I sat there I remembered the day I told Ollie I was pregnant.

FLASHBACK
LUCY POV
Six weeks after the wedding, two weeks after the honeymoon I realised I'd missed a period. I couldn't be pregnant. I mean we're not NOT trying. But I'd only just gone off birth control. It was too soon right?