It's always been you

Chapter 30 - Josephs Bombshell

LUCY POV

"Guys. I need to say something. I'm leaving England. For at least three months." There was a sudden pause over breakfast after Joe dropped his bombshell. We all stared at him wide eyed for a few seconds until Ollie said "I'm sorry you fucking what?!" "I'm going to backpack over the continent."

There was another long pause. "Joe when are you planning on doing this?" I asked. He couldn't make eye contact with any of us. "I fly to Munich next Sunday." Then the table erupted. "WHAT?!" "QUINN YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" "YOU'RE TELLING US A WEEK OUT?!" Only I remained silent. I could feel the tears filling my eyes. Something was wrong. Something was really wrong. This wasn't our Joe. What was pushing him away from his home? From his family? From Camille? From his friends?

He still hadn't made eye contact with any of us. I stared at him until he was forced to look me in the eye. "Joseph what aren't you telling us? Is this for a part? For a job?" He looked away again with such a guilty look on his face. "No. I need to do this for myself." I lost it then.

"Are you FUCKING kidding me?! Joseph Quinn you tell me right now what the fuck is going on?! We've been putting up with your moodiness for months and now you're just going to up and leave?! Fuck us right! We've all tried to support you and love you but you're just going to push us away?! This isn't you Joseph! Tell me right now what the hell is wrong?!"

"Luce why the hell are you yelling at me?!" "Because I'm pissed off! You can't just randomly say 'I'm fucking off for 3 months' and not expect your closest friends to not have a bad reaction to it!"

Seriously what the fuck is going on?! He's leaving the country?! Are we that bad?! We love him so much and he's just pissing off and leaving us? I could feel my heart racing and my head pounding. He looked at me with such an incredibly sad expression that lasted a split second before it changed back to his neutral face. What was that look? Where did it come from? And why won't he let us help him?

I lowered my voice and tried to calm down. "I'm sorry Joe. I think I reacted a bit.....unfavourably then." He snorted and said "you think? That hurt Luce. You've never spoken to me like that before." I winced. I deserved that. "I'm sorry. I got a shock!" It was then I realised everyone else had left the room in the middle of my rant. I reached out and grabbed his hand. "Joe talk to me. What's going on?" "Are you done yelling at me? You didn't even give me a chance to explain before you verbally castrated me." I winced again. "I know. I really am sorry."

"I just need to do this Luce. I want to see a bit of the world outside Britain. I've never been further than Edinburgh before. And I'm not leaving permanently. Luce I already have my ticket home. I just want to explore a bit." I saw a flash of that deep sadness before it disappeared again but I didn't want to push it.

"You won't be here for New Years Eve? Oh JOE! You won't be here for your own 21st birthday!" "No Luce I won't. New Year's Eve I'll be in Berlin. My birthday I'll be in Puglia." Lucy calm your shit. This isn't about you. This might be an early mid life crisis but he's obviously set on this. "I'm really going to miss you Joe. Ollie's really going to miss you. The whole gang will." "I'll miss everyone too. But I swear to you I'm coming back."

We sat there in silence a few moments with me still holding his hand. "Joe can I ask you a personal question?" "Depend what it is." "Are you and Camille ok? What's this going to do to you as a couple? She loves you Joe. But if you're trying to escape the relationship or something this isn't the way to do it." "That's not what I'm doing Luce. I promise. She's known my plan all along. She said herself I was getting stale in London and needed to break up the monotony".

I took a deep breath. "You have my blessing Joe. I know that means fuck all but you have my blessing to do this. Christ knows I'm going to miss you. We all will. But I think I understand it. I just don't know how we're going to function without you!" "Please. You'll be in your loved up little bubble with Ollie, everyone else has work and school. You'll be fine Luce."