It's always been you

Chapter 47 - Uh....Luce?

LUCY POV

A week later and I was still having Braxtons on and off. I was having weekly checkups with Kate and as yet I still wasn't dilating at all. So she saw no reason to panic. Richard and Joe talked me in to not attending the rest of the trial until the sentencing hearing. He'd already plead guilty so there really wasn't a lot left to go.

I was currently lying on the couch, Freddie next to me with his head pressed up against my belly. I wanted my bed but my hips and my lower back were so painful today I didn't think I'd make the stairs on my own so I opted for the couch instead. Joe had gone out for a dinner date with Camille after I bullied him in to it. He'd been spending every minute with me and not taking care of his girlfriend so I was beginning to feel incredibly guilty.

My hospital bag was packed and had been sitting at the front door for a week ready to go. I was 37 weeks so pretty much full term. It was also coming up to 6 months since Oliver was killed. The pain still hit at random times throughout the day. I'd wake from a nightmare or even a good dream about him. I could smell him when I woke and I'd begin sobbing when the smell faded and I realised it was all in my head. I'd be cooking and turn to him with a wooden spoon to get him to taste something and realise he wasn't there. I'd head a song on the radio that reminded me of him and turn to sing loudly and obnoxiously in his face like I always did to annoy him, and then realise he wasn't there for me to annoy.

I think I was doing a little better though. I was handling the depression better. The counsellor that Kate referred me to helped a great deal. His name was Sean and I'd been seeing him for sessions once a week for the past two months. He'd given me coping techniques and had me writing in a diary every time I was beginning to feel overwhelmed or like I'd never find my way out of the depression pit I woke up in some days.

Sean kept reminding me that what had happened to me was far from normal. My husband died suddenly, three months after we were married and a month after we found out I was having his baby. And that was only 6 months ago. I needed to give myself the time to grieve in my own way. No text book could tell me how and when I would stop grieving. I don't think I ever will.

Eventually I fell asleep on the couch, still wishing I was in my bed. I was asleep for a couple of hours before I was woken by Joe shaking me gently. "Luce? Want me to help you upstairs?" I nodded tiredly and struggled to my feet wincing at the pain in my lower back and my hips. Joe watched me sadly until he placed an arm under my knees and the other behind my shoulders carrying me bridal style towards the stairs.

"The pain getting worse?" "Honestly my hips are killing me. I can hardly walk." "I'm sorry Luce. I should've been here earlier to help you." "Shut up Joseph. You've done more than enough." We made it halfway up the stairs before I felt a popping sensation and then a trickle.

"Uh....Luce? Did you just pee on me?"

Oh shit.

"I don't think so" "oh fuck! Was that....?" "I don't know! I think so!" Joe hurried up the stairs still holding me and carried me to my bedroom and putting me on my feet in front of my wardrobe. "Right! Get some dry clothes on! I'll do the same! I'll be back in a minute!" He sprinted down the hall to the guest room and I rolled my eyes. I knew I'd have hours yet until anything big happened.

I pulled out my phone and called Kate.

"Hi Lucy! Everything ok?"
"I think it's time. My water just broke."
"Right. Are you sure it wasn't pee?"
"Definitely wasn't pee."
"Any contractions?"
"None yet."

I was perched on the end of my bed when Joe sprinted back in to the room. "What're you doing?! We need to go Luce!" I snorted and then said "Joe nothing is going to happen for hours yet! I'm not even having contractions yet."