It's always been you

Chapter 50 - The Decision

JOSEPH POV

Camille and I were officially over. It was done. I was carrying around the most incredible amount of guilt for having let it drag on as long as it did. I honestly did love the shit out of her. I adored her. But she was right. I wasn't IN love with her. She's stunningly beautiful, she has a killer sense of humour, the banter is incredible, the sex has always been amazing and I've never had a problem with "not finishing". But she's not Lucy. She's not the woman I'm IN love with.

Today was decision day. Today was the day of the sentencing hearing. Today we'd find out if the man that killed Ollie would get what he deserves, or if he would get off Scott free. I'd been up half the night with Lucy. She couldn't keep any food down the anxiety was getting to her that bad. I kept up the routine we had going when her morning sickness got bad.

Vomit. Brush your teeth. Mug of ginger tea.

Rinse and repeat.

At one stage, still leaning over the toilet bowl, she looked up at me through retching induced tears and said "Joe what if he doesn't get what he deserves? What if he only gets a short sentence?" Then she turned and heaved again with me rubbing her back and keeping all her hair away from her face.

"Ain't gonna happen Luce. No way. The evidence is undeniable, he plead guilty. It isn't going to happen. And if it does the prosecution will appeal." When I place a cool damp towel on her forehead and began go wipe away some of the sweat she grabbed my hand and said "thank you. For everything." "It's my pleasure Luce. Just doing my job as a friend." "No Joe really. I would've lost myself months ago if it weren't for you." I kissed the top of her head and then helped her to her feet.

"You know I'm not pregnant anymore. I'm more able to look after myself. Why don't you go back to bed?" "Lucy shut up. Accept the help." I forced her back in to bed and went to make her tea, placing a bucket next to her bed just in case. "Luce I'm just down the hall. If you need me come and get me. Gnite darling." "Gnite Joe."

When she was comfortable back in her bed, I returned to mine and lay there thinking. I was still carrying an immense amount of guilt around. I'd hurt Camille, I was in love with my dead best friends wife,...

I'd hurt Camille.

I would never ever forgive myself for that. I could never put in to words how much she meant to me. She just wasn't "the one". That sounds so cruel. But it's the truth. She was never ever just a distraction to me though. I genuinely loved her. I still do. It's just a different love to what I feel for Lucy. And the fact that she's willing to cast aside any bad feelings towards Lucy or me and still come to the sentencing tomorrow to support Lucy, to be there for Ollie....it spoke volumes about her.

I fell back to sleep with my mind going backwards and forwards between the two most important women in my life.

LUCY POV

When I woke up in the morning, there was no way I could stomach any breakfast. After throwing up from nerves multiple times during the night my stomach was churning. I was sitting on the patio with a mug of tea when Joe appeared , looking as anxious as I felt. "Mornin Luce. How you feeling?" "Like shit." He snorted and nodded his head in agreement. "I'm confident Luce. I honestly am. Where's Billy?" "He's still asleep. I checked on him 10 minutes ago and the monitor is on. He'll wake up soon."
"You gonna be ok leaving him?" "I'll have to be. I can't not be there today Joe. I need to do this."

Billy would be staying home today. It didn't seem feasible taking a baby that was only 10 days old to a courthouse that would more than likely be surround by paps and onlookers. Hannah and Nikki would stay with him. They were originally going to come to the courthouse but offered to stay home with him instead.