It's always been you

Chapter 68 - Homeward bound

WAIKIKI BEACH
LUCY POV

I was lying in the sun, middle of winter in Hawaii and it was 29° and the sun was scorching. Back home it was snowing and sleeting constantly. Joe and I had rented a cabana for the three of us for the day, on the beach out front of our resort.

After leaving LA we did a quick trip north driving through Yosemite and staying there one night before making our way up to San Francisco where we stayed four nights. Then we'd flown on to Hawaii for a weeks relaxation in the sun before heading back to London where it was almost time for me to shoot my scenes for Bridgerton. If you could call them scenes.

I watched Joe chasing Billy through the sand, the saltwater had made both of their hair unruly, curly messes that bounced as they ran. I could hear Billy's little squeals of joy as Joe caught up to him, grabbing him and tossing him in the air before blowing a raspberry on his little belly.

I smiled as I watched my boys have fun, choosing to stay in the shade for a while so I didn't burst in to flames in the sun. Because I knew Billy was occupied my mind began to wander. I chewed on my lip as I thought about work. Yes I had an upcoming job. But I had two lines in one scene and then just danced in a ballroom scene in the background behind the main characters.

Joe was landing amazing role after amazing role and had just landed a role that could be it for him. From the little I knew of the storyline I knew this would make Joe explode on to the world stage. Eddie Munson would capture millions of hearts. But I would still just be little more than a stay at home mum.

I was starting to panic that I'd had too much time away from work dealing with my grief and then juggling my grief and motherhood. Would I ever be able to get back in to acting properly and find a role that would make my career? Would I be able to support Billy or would I be begging for my old job at Fitzgeralds and begin pulling pints for a living again?

I sat there deep in thought pulling at my bottom lip and not realising I was being watched until two hands, one large with a silver ring on his pointer finger, and one tiny, chubby and adorable hand pushed my hand away. I looked up to see a set of chocolate brown eyes and a set of bright blue eyes, both surrounded by thick lashes staring at me.

My boys.

"Darling what is it?" "Ok mama?" I smiled at Billy's concern pulling him close for a squeeze. "Luce? You ok?" "Just thinking." He raised an eyebrow waiting for me to elaborate. I sighed and knew I wasn't going to get out of explaining myself. I handed Billy some snacks to keep him occupied and then turned to Joe.

"I'm starting to get a bit scared Joe." "Of what?" "You've just landed the role of a lifetime. I just know Eddie is going to make millions of people fall in love with you. And I'm barely even auditioning." "You have your work with Bridgerton?" "Oh come on Joe! I'm little more than an extra! I get to tighten someone's corset and say two lines and then dance in the background of another scene! No one wants the girl who's been off work for two years! I'm old news! I'm not even news because my career had barely even started! And I'm so scared of what will happen with us when you're in Georgia shooting Stranger Things and I'll be in London! Are WE going to be ok?!"

"Oh darling come here!" He pulled me into him, I buried my face in to his chest and scrunched my eyes shut in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. Don't cry you idiot. Be a big girl!

I turned to see Billy had paused mid chew, his brow furrowed in concern as he gazed at me with Ollie's blue eyes. "Mama!" He dropped the blueberries he was snacking on and crawled closer nuzzling in to my neck. "Mama!" His little lip quivered as he looked like he was about to lose it.

"I'm ok buddy! Mama's being silly! See? I'm ok Billyboy!" I held my little boy close as a tear rolled down my nose and dropped on to his hair. Joe swept the tears off my face with his thumbs before cupping my face and pressing a hard kiss to my mouth.