It's always been you

Chapter 51 - Worst year of our lives

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LUCY POV

In a week it would be a year since my Ollie died. This time last year we were preparing to tell our families we were having a baby. So shocked it happened so soon after we were married. But so incredibly happy at the same time. Blissfully happy. This time last year Ollie was handling me like I was a fragile piece of glass.

I had ended up staying at Richard and Sarah's until Billy was 4 months old, then decided it was time for me to move forward. I needed to be strong for my son and I needed to learn to be independent. Joe had been going backwards and forwards between the country house, mine and Ollie's townhouse in the city, and Cornwall where he was filming his first movie "Makeup". I was so so incredibly proud of him. My best friend had scored a leading role in a movie. It was a small, indie film but he'd done it!

The days he was in Cornwall he rang me every day to check in on Billy and I. Billy was now almost six months old and old enough to hold him head up on his own. So Joe would FaceTime me and he and Billy would spend ages blowing spit bubbles and cooing at each other.

We were on one of those FaceTime calls now. "Luce what are you feeding him?! He's enormous!" "Yeah try carrying him everywhere. I think I'm going to get carpal tunnel from trying to lift this chunky monkey" I said as I buried my nose in Billy's blonde curls, inhaling that delicious baby scent. "How's Camille?" He seemed hesitant to ask.

"She's good Joe. She came and spent a few days out here last week when she was off work. She asked after you too...is there definitely no chance of you getting back together?" "None. It's over Luce. It just didn't work anymore". I still felt incredibly guilty. Like my grief had somehow broken them up with Joe spending all of his time caring for me during my pregnancy and then after Billy was born.

"Stop it Luce." "What? I didn't say anything." "I know what that look on your face is. It wasn't your fault. We've both told you that 1000 times." "I know. But I kind of feel like it didn't help matters." " Luce the whole situation was complete horseshit. There was so much going on. Our relationship was a casualty of it. Please stop blaming yourself." I decided to change the subject. "How's filming going?" "Great! I've only got a few more scenes to do. Post production should be done in the next 6 or 7 months. I'll be home in about three weeks." "That's great Joe. We all miss you. Billy most of all I think."

As if to prove my point Billy let out an excited squeal making us both chuckle. "How's Freddieboy?" "He's good. He misses you too. Oh I have some gossip! I think Ben has a girlfriend!" "What?! Your Ben?! Brother Ben?!" "Yep!" "Shit who is it!" "No idea. He won't tell me. I think it's someone we know though because he just gets defensive and tells me to fuck off when I ask him."

We started listing off names of who we thought it could be. The girls Nikki and I worked with at Fitzgeralds? Someone from his work? Someone from university? Knowing my idiot brother some skank he picked up at the pub? The possibilities were endless with him. But I had a feeling it might've been a bit serious given how defensive he was about the whole thing.

"Oh shit Luce I gotta go. I'm getting called to set." "Bye Joe. Go and be great! We'll see you in a few weeks". "Bye Luce. Bye bye Billy! I miss you buddy!" Billy cooed back at him as Joe blew us both a kiss before disconnecting the call. Three weeks. Three weeks and he'd be home again. I missed Joe.

JOSEPH POV

After disconnecting the call with Lucy I couldn't help but miss her and Billy so much. Since my split with Camille I had been living in the townhouse and paying board so I was all but officially moved in. Billy was growing and seemed to have changed every time I saw the little guy, but he was still the spitting image of Ollie.