It's always been you

Chapter 54 - One Year Later Part Two

JOSEPH POV

When Lucy and I got to Ollie's grave, accompanied by Freddie and Billy, we both sat down with our backs against the oak tree. Billy was in Lucy's arms, Freddie sniffed around and then lay down with his head pressed up against Ollie's headstone. 12 months later and that dog still knew exactly where we were and what was here.

We sat in silence for a while. Lucy seemed to be staring off in to space looking at the headstone, but this time I wasn't terrified like the night she was blocking out Billy's cries on her and Ollie's first wedding anniversary. This time, even though she was dead silent she had a look of peace over her beautiful face. I knew she was having a silent conversation with Ollie in her head. As was I.

Hey mate. It's me. It's Joe. I miss you Ollie. I haven't heard my best friends laugh or had our amazing banter for a year now. God I miss you. I'm sure you know that Camille and I aren't a couple anymore. We weren't meant to be. She's since moved on with your brother in law believe it or not. Ben has turned over a new leaf and decided to fall in love instead of slutting around.

Mate, Lucy's had some bad days. Your first anniversary I didn't honestly know if Nikki and I would pull her back from the brink. She misses you Ollie. More than I do. More than Richard and Sarah and David do. More than anyone. No one should have to bury their husband and then give birth 6 months later.

But Ollie wait until I tell you about William. Billy. Your beautiful, perfect son. He's the spitting image of you mate. And I know you would be so ridiculously incredibly proud of him. He's absolutely perfect. And he keeps getting more and more perfect. His giggle, his smile, his cheekiness, that's all you mate. You and he would drive Lucy nuts together.

Ollie I need to tell you something I should have told you when you were still here. And I don't know how so I'm just going to blurt it out. Ollie, my best friend in the world, I'm in love with Lucy. I'm in love with your wife. And I have been for years. I think since the day I met her.

Ollie I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I would one billion percent forget about my feelings if it meant you got to be here to be with your wife. And your son. I miss you so much it hurts. I swear on my life, and not just because I'm in love with her, I will protect Lucy with everything I have. I will be there for her, for Billy, as long as I live.

I will do anything in my power to make sure the two of them never want for anything, and I will do my absolute best to make sure Lucy doesn't slip in to that awful pit of depression again.

I hope I have your blessing to one day maybe even start thinking about telling her how I feel and hoping she feels the same way about me. She's everything to me mate. Her and Billy. I promise to protect them both with my own life if I have to.

I love you Ollie. I miss you. I would absolutely do anything to have you back here with us again.

I love you.

LUCY POV

I half watched Joe out of the corner of my eye. I could tell he was having an internal conversation with Ollie. I was preparing to have my own. How do I talk to my dead husband after a year? How do I tell him what I need to tell him? How do I tell him I think I'm developing feelings for his best friend? How do I describe the shame that I was feeling for seeing the need to move on? Here goes nothing.

Hey Olls, it's me my love.

One year ago the police knocked on our door and I received the worst news of my life. Right after my 12 week pregnancy scan that we were so excited to tell everyone about.

Where are you now Ollie? Are you here? Or have you gone some place better? God I miss you. I haven't always been doing well since you died. At first after I had Billy I was so busy with him I barely had time to grieve for you. But I kind of lost it over our wedding anniversary weekend. I'm so ashamed. I let out baby cry for me during the night Ollie because I just couldn't get out of bed. If it wasn't for Joe and Nikki I don't think I'd be here anymore. They dragged me out of my despair and my hopelessness.