It's always been you

Chapter 49 - How did I not realise?

LUCY POV

I sat in the kitchen with Sarah and mentally prepared myself for what I was going to do today.

Introduce Billy to his father.

They all offered to come with me but I wanted to be alone with my little family. My little family that was missing a huge chunk of it.

Sarah handed me a mug of tea and asked "how's the baby sleeping?" "Ok so far. He's waking up every few hours but he's been pretty easy to get back to sleep." "And you?" "I'm fine." She raised her eyebrow and waited. I sighed and said "I'm still having the nightmares and waking up during the night. Joe's there every time to calm me down. I'm worried about him though. He had a fight with Camille on the phone yesterday. He wouldn't tell me what it was about. But I think he needs to go back to London. I'm keeping him from his life." "Sweetheart if he didn't want to be here he wouldn't." "Oh I know he wants to. Doesn't mean he should though."

"Don't push him away if he wants to stay though. I think you and Billy are helping him as much as he's helping you." "I doubt that. I've been useless." "Darling don't say that. You have been helping him. You're helping each other come to terms with your grief. There's no timeline on grief and no set way it should happen."

All of a sudden Richard burst in to the room, his phone held up to his ear. "Girls. It's the police liaison officer. O'Briens sentencing hearing will be first thing Monday."

Oh God. That's only four days away. I thought we'd have a few weeks of peace at least. I looked up as Joe entered the room. I could almost see the cogs turning in his head. He hasn't been doing well since his fight with Camille yesterday and refused to tell me what it was about.

"You ok Joe?" "I'm fine." He made himself a tea and then walked outside for a cigarette with his phone in hand. I think Camille had been screening him and wasn't answering his calls or messages. I followed him outside carrying my own mug and sat down with him.

He looked pensive and leaned back looking up at the sky. "Joe. You need to go and see her." "But-..." "no buts. Joe, go home. Go and see her. Go and spend some time with her and fix whatever the problem is." "Luce. I promised I wouldn't leave you." "Joe. Billy and I are fine with Richard and Sarah. Please go and fix your relationship." "Fine. I'll go. But I'm coming to the sentencing hearing with you." "Good. Now go." "Now?!" "Now!"

Joe held eye contact with me a few moments before he stood up and pulled me up into a tight hug. "I love you Luce. You need anything at all you call me. Promise me that." "I promise. Now go." "I'll make you a deal. I'll go. But I'm not going until you've visited Ollie first. I need to know you're ok afterwards."

God he really is a stubborn shit.

I was readying myself to go and visit Oliver's grave today anyway. To take Billy and Freddie with me.

It was a short walk from the house, the oak tree he was buried under in a field full of wildflowers. I gathered some of them as I walked, Billy in my arms which made it a bit awkward. Freddie was running around sniffing everything.

And then I got to that oak tree. There was a headstone in place now.

Oliver Matthew Blake
1993-2017
Beloved husband, father to be, son and brother
Adored friend to many

And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before

I stood there just staring at headstone for several minutes, gathering my thoughts. Freddie sniffed the ground before lying down, his head presses up against the stone. Oh darling Freddieboy. You know where we are don't you?