Kyojuro Rengoku Ice Heart And Flame Soul

| Chapter Forty | Desire

Rengoku

I watched Rika enter the house, and I kept a slow pace. I didn't want her there to witness the breakdown of who Kyojuro Rengoku once was. I entered the house and took her to my bedroom.

"Take the bed. I'll sleep elsewhere tonight." I said.

The extra rooms I had were bare, so I would set up my bed on the floor. I didn't want Rika to be on the floor, so giving her my bed was the best option.

I grabbed fresh blankets and remade the bed so she would sleep in a freshly made up bed. I grabbed extra pillows and gave them to her.

Rika sat down on the bed and looked around the room. I watched her survey the bareness of it.

"I don't need much else around here. A bed for sleeping is all I need." I said.

"You could use some decorations." She said.

"I don't need decorations. All I use this room for is sleeping." I said.

She scooted to the middle of the large bed and sat cross-legged. She smiled up at me and patted the spot beside her.

"So, what are we doing tonight, Kyo?" She asked.

I stared at her. I did tell her we were staying in separate rooms. We were doing nothing tonight. She was going to stay in the room while I tried to keep myself under control.

"Kyojuro, you can't just expect me to be bored in here all night can you?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No. You have to stay here, I..."

"I know, I know, you don't want me around you. But, Kyo, I think you need me." She said.

Of course I did. But at the same time, I didn't want her there to have to go through what I did with Father.

"What I need is for you to stay here." I said.

"Yeah, but what if you wrote a letter to Senjuro tonight? Maybe you could write to him and..."

I stopped hearing her words, and my thoughts drifted. I felt my body start to long for something and I knew what it was. My head shook and I turned away. My hand slid the door open and I walked from the room.

As I walked down the hallway, I felt my body steer me in one direction. I fought it and turned around. I went to a different bedroom, and grabbed some more blankets. I tossed them onto the floor, and my mind began to beg for relief from fighting the urge.

I knelt in front of the blankets, arranging them, and making the floor comfortable for me to sleep. I stood, and began to pace. Back and forth, around the room. I glanced at the door, thinking, if I let my body have just a little of what it wanted, then maybe I could force myself to sleep.

No, I shook my head. Giving in would get me nowhere. I began to sweat, and went to the window. I opened it, and leaned out into the fresh air. The wind blew, and across my face I could feel the breeze. There was once a time that when the wind blew, it would blow my hair around, and I would have to move it out of my eyes.

My body began to shake, and I gripped the edge of the window hard, trying to force my mind to forget what my body wanted.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I leaned down and rested my forehead on the frame of the window.