IKIGAI / Jake Sully

3

The sun had barely peaked over the horizon giving Omatikaya a soft purple haze. I think it looks even more beautiful at night than it does during the day.

Leaning back on the edge of the pond I slump lower letting the water submerge most of my body. I hope this washes away all my problems.

After an hour I dip my face into the pond before coming back up for air. Standing up to let most of it rinse downward as I brush my hair out of my face.

The sound of a tree branch snapping catches my attention as I turn around.

Then it starts to rustle

"Hello?" But I don't hear anything back then silence again. I grab for a knife only to come face to face with Jake.

Immediately seeing I was naked he whips his head covering his entire face and I dip back into the pond.

He stands behind a tree.

"Oh uh sorry!..I can go"

"No!" I said more excited than normal

Gosh why does he make me so nervous

"No I mean...I just.."

I can feel my face get hot and from the corner of the tree I can see his jaw is faced toward the opposite direction.

"Couldn't sleep? Or just a morning riser?" Jake says trying to make conversation after I just yelled at him to stay.

I'm mortified right now.

"A little bit of both. What about you?" I ask pushing the air out of my face

"Kinda depends on the day. So...what's on your mind then?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well I'm assuming if you can't sleep then it's because something's on it right? Or am I wrong?"

I curled both my legs up to me folding my arms over them. "I...."

I tried to start but feel myself chickening out and let out a sigh.

"You don't seem to trust people easily" Jake says

"It's hard to trust when everyone is looking out for their own gain." I respond

"I get that."

"How come you lied for me the other night..you know..that night?"

Jake pauses for a moment "I saw how your mom was reacting." He slides to the ground still keep his eyes diverted of me. "I don't even think she asked if you were ok"

"Yeah" I say

"So why did you do it?" He asks me leaning his back on the tree "why did you try to kill yourself?"

It strange to hear those words. Because I don't even think it was that dark.

I just...

Wanted...

To be...

"Free." I spit out "I just wanted to be free"

"A rich girl like you? Doesn't have freedom?" He teases but honestly I can't tell he could actually be mocking me too.

"You'd be surprised. I'm not even allowed to choose what I eat." I look down at my fingers "let alone when I get to be happy"

"How come you don't leave?"

"Because...." I start; knowing the answer "I'm scared."

I look up at the sky that was now going from a plum to the light blue.

"I'm scared I know that sounds stupid." I retort "just a rich girl with these problems when you are Toruk Makto"

"No? I'm genuinely just curious" He chuckles in a rebuttal "wait do you think I'm coming off as judgmental?"

His voice is playful.

"No" I respond

"Are you lying?"

And I don't respond to that. The sound of the trees blowing briskly for a second.

"I don't know what you think about me but the last thing I am is going to judge you." He starts waving his hands my way "Look Toruk Makto is just a name. I'm just a man. Just here to listen..."

He lets out a sigh

"because it really sounds like you haven't talked to anyone in a really long time"

Those words resonate through my soul and I feel my eyes water a little but wipe them away before he can catches me.

I don't speak and he shifts his head enough to make sure I'm still a least alive.

"I wish....I wish I could be like you" I admit "I heard you didn't want to be Olo'eyktan. The fact that you can just walk away....You carry this confidence in your choice not afraid to say what you feel without answering to anyone. I wish I could do that"

"You can. You know that right?"

I pause to think about the consequences and carrying the weight of my my family on my shoulders

And I hear Jake begin to snicker

"What's so funny?"

"It's just...I...and I'm not judging you" he starts "I remember the first time we met at that big dinner thing"

He pauses for a moment

"There was this woman who walked down those large stairs. Biggest smile I've ever seen. I saw the room turn just to look at her."  He describes  "and I thought to myself...she could control every man here."

I can feel my face become red.

"If only she knew" he says

"You're only trying to make me feel better" I retort

"I could be" Jake shrugs "or could not" he folds his arms behind his back. "but if you keep it between you and me, she did get me to take a glance too" Jake stops before getting too deep "then she jumped off my house so now we're here"

And we both laugh at the same time

"Thank you for talking to me." I say turning to look over at him "can I tell you something?"

"What?"

"If you keep it between you and me, I think she glanced at you too"

From the corner of the tree I can see a smirk on his face.

"Your secret safe with me."