IKIGAI / Jake Sully

27

"It should be in here somewhere" Jake says walking into a massive tree house.

My hand still attached to his necklace, slowly loosing circulation. Jake was able to get it off his neck but not off of my finger.

"This is our home?" I ask feeling a hint of Deja vu.

"Yeah but I haven't been here in a while" Jake says letting out a sigh as the memories he tried to shut out come rushing back in.

"Really? It's looks so clean?"

"Are you expecting me to be messy?" He responds sarcastically looking back at me

"No just..." I stutter trying to not come off as rude

"Hard to make dirty when nobody is here"

"How come you don't stay here?" I ask looking over at Jake, who was still searching for something to loosen the ring off my finger.

"I do sometimes but I'm usually off because of the war so...yeah" he says. 

There was tokens of us everywhere. Photos, artworks wilted flowers. Love notes to each other. I don't know how to explain the feeling of looking at yourself and not recognizing anything.

"You ok?" Jake ask glancing over at me

"Oh? Um yeah..." I mumbled. My hand running across a note where I wrote I love you to him. "Jake, how long were we together?"

"Almost 2 years now well it would technically be 2 for sure if you count when we first met too."

Jake walks over and lays his head on top of mine. He points to few photos. That were stuck to the entrance wall.

"These are my favorite" he tells me. It was a series of us all random days. Just us sitting in the home making bracelets, falling asleep, or just badly taken photo where most of it were a blur but we clearly were so happy. "I love your smile"

"I didn't realize..." I started beginning to feel overwhelmed.

"Yeah" Jake responds throwing his arms over my shoulder slightly caressing them

"You proposed to me" I mumbled to myself running across another photo. "Is that's what the ring is for?"

"Yeah, it's an earth custom"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked looking up at him but he doesn't respond.

He just stonewalls me. Like usual.

I don't know when you're sad
I can't tell when you're mad
You've never been vulnerable
(Sam smith - how to cry.mp3)

Holding up an open jar to me. "It's wax from my planet. Should help slide it off."

Jake pulls some wax out with his index finger and sets  the jar down. He runs his finger into my palm up my own pointer. Massaging the product into my skin, slowly getting wax into small crevices.

"You shouldn't have to hide yourself" I spoke "It's unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone."

Jake pauses. As if those words resonated deep into his soul. I laid my head on his chest hearing his soft heart beat. There is silence again and he opens his mouth to figure out the right words to explain how he felt.