"Joon's Dia"

(Chapter 14: My Chingu/Friend)

I literally froze, inside and outside when Namjoon said, 'Saranghae' to me. Of course I knew what it meant but hearing him confirm it with those three little words made me exceedingly happy yet totally confused and worried. I had never experienced a more genuine expression of love before. Even with Anni's dad, we would say it during sex or on a birthday card or something. But never had I ever had a guy look me deep into my soul and tell me he loved me. Just for a second I forgot who he was: The Great BTS Leader: Kim Namjoon, and only saw him as a man lying on my lap confessing his feelings.

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As the seconds passed my doubts began racing all over me: We just met, we don't know each other and most importantly, what would ARMY's say? What would BTS say? I had to get up to think so while I was in pursuit of making a hole on the floor, Namjoon came up to me and turned me quickly around into his arms. OH GOD! I could live here, in his arms. He felt so warm, so loving and so much like 'home' and that was what I was afraid of: getting too comfortable with him.

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He swelled my heart with his words but I felt like I burst his heart with mine. I laid out my stipulations for us getting to know each other as friends but I left out the part that it was in hope of us actually being together. Honestly, I think he understood and even though he looked dejected, I saw the admiration in his face. He wanted to be with me as a boyfriend but I needed the friend zone right now. I wanted to know if he really loved me or if it was just a sex thing. That he could get in the millions but true love was one in a googolplex.

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I looked at him and I wondered, 'Was I in love with him or just the idea of being in love with my bias?' So I told him, "I want you to be sure as well that I'm not just doing this because you're the Kim Namjoon."

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He nodded and even though he still looked dejected I saw a smile coming over his face, "And who is Kim Namjoon, to you?"

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Wow! Great question. He made me smile, "Well, he's an artist, idol, role model to millions..." I paused as he looked at me like I was an ARMY. I couldn't help but chuckle, "but he's also sweet, kind, thoughtful... and a great kisser."

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That got his dimples showing, "I'm a great kisser, you say?" I nodded and then he laughed, "Well I'm not sure yet if you are." My eyes widened as I looked at him in shock and he laughed heartily as he explained why he dissed my kissing, "Well technically when I kissed you, you didn't respond or reciprocate. So how am I to know if you kiss well or not?"

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"Well...Ahem... I.... I was in shock when you did that. How was I supposed to respond?" I asked nervous as hell.

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"Well how about we try it again and I'll let you know," he said as he hugged me with the biggest grin ever on his face. So adorable!

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"Ha! Nice try," I pushed back from him as I confirmed that we would not be kissing any time soon. "Friends don't kiss each other like that."

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"Oh yeah. So how do friends kiss then?"

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I watched him with my cautious eyes and I saw him blushing. I was curious to know, "How do you kiss your friends?"

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"Ahh... answering questions with questions again. You're impossible," and I got the dimples again. "Well," and he paused as he gazed into my eyes and held both my hands. "This is how I kiss my friends," and he lifted my arm to kiss the back of my hand.