"Joon's Dia"

(Chapter 75: He's Mine!)

I stood staring at the family in front of me: Blue, Ken, Anni and... Hmm I didn't get his name but I heard his little voice.

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"Eomma, why are you crying again?" And I saw as he turned to look at me. Then his eyes became fierce as they pierced directly at me. Blue and Ken began whispering to each other but then their son began to talk to me.

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"You! Why are you here? It's because of you that my mom cries every night."

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I saw as Blue hesitated and she spoke to the child, "Baby, what are you saying? And please, don't be rude."

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"But Eomma I know he's the reason why you're always sad," and before she could ask him any more questions, he ran off into the back area. Everyone was watching me. I etched up closer and was now almost within arms' reach of Blue. I wanted to hug her so badly. I just wanted to feel her on me, smell her and possibly steal a kiss or two. GOD! I missed her like the desert missed the rain. I think that's the lyrics to a song. I must remember to look it up. I was desolate and dry and Blue was water and my ocean. I needed her.

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"Blue..."

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"Why is he calling you 'Blue'?" I heard Ken asking and I looked at her startled face. Hmm seems as though she never told him about her singing career or BTS. What a thing to keep from the person you supposedly were in love with. The Blue I knew loved singing for functions and events. What happened to her? Then I looked up and saw the little boy coming back in. Hmm... He happened in her life. She gave up her career in music to be a mother to him. But something was bothering me. Something about giving up... Sacrifice... and just as I was about to make some connections to the words she had told my sister, the little boy came up to me and showed me a picture.

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"Isn't this you, with my mom?"

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I looked at the picture and saw Blue and I sitting at the park in Rio. It was our first official date. The day of the tour of Rio when we had lunch and then we went to feed the ducks. I touched the image of the blue dress she had on. It was the same dress she wore when she recently came to South Korea. I looked up at her and she was totally shocked.

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"Baby, where did you get that?" She asked her son.

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"You always keep it with you. Plus you put it in your pillowcase every night." He looked at her shyly, "Sometimes you fall asleep crying with it in your hand so I would put it back for you. I'm sorry, mom."

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She hugged him and he comforted her. Then Ken said, "That was very thoughtful of you, CJ. Sneaky but thoughtful."

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'CJ' Ohhh... So he was the CJ that Brad had spoked about. So I was right: she loved them both but just in different ways. "CJ..." I said and he turned to look at me again. Damn he was a cute little thing. "I want to apologise to you, Anni and your dad for making your mommy cry and yes, this is me with your mom. I knew her many years ago. We were very close friends."

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I stared at Blue and she looked both stunned and sad. She got even more teary-eyed. I needed her to know that she shouldn't be ashamed of being a mom again and moving on with her life without me. It pained me tremendously but it was a reality that I had to face. This was just the moment that I needed to finally move on too. But moving on without her... I shook my head. It seemed impossible.