"Joon's Dia"

(Chapter 4: Meeting Her)

"What the hell was happening? AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" I could not believe this. How in the world did this happen? What the hell was T thinking when she recruited a fan to sing with me at my concert? This woman had to be mad. This was not how we did things at HYBE. This was not the BTS way. Currently my group, BTS was on a break that the media dubbed 'hiatus'. What we meant was, we were taking a break from group activities and focusing on our solo careers. It was going to be a tough time for us especially as we just came out of a two year stunt from the COVID 19 period. That era although detrimental for almost everyone, it taught us that the world didn't really need us people. In light of the situation, where people had to stay indoors in quarantine, the world was able to heal itself and that by me was emotionally and spiritually fine.

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So while the earth was catching back itself, the CEO of HYBE wanted to make serious changes in our swamped schedule. Initially we were totally cool about it as we all wanted to do our own things separately but when the announcement was made, our fans went berserk. The true and faithful ARMYS understood our 'break' and kept reminding us that they would support BTS no matter what was to happen. Then there were the fans who were confused as they had just gotten to know us. Some of these newbies were upset as they realised that they wouldn't be able to see us perform as a group anytime soon. Then there were the haters who laughed and made fun of us saying we were breaking up like almost all the boy bands of the past. I grew to realise that in this life, there's no pleasing everyone. The only person you should please is yourself.

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'Love Yourself'. One of our most famous mantras. People didn't realise that the saying actually came about when one of our members was really low in his life and in talking with him, I told him that he had to learn to love himself first before he can love another. Jimin was the start of it. His romantic feelings for Jungkook had become more and more apparent but Jungkook was still young with his feelings and emotions and didn't respond to Jimin's affections. Unrequited love is the worst kind. Poor Jimin. In talking with him years after, he would always remind me that I was the one who taught him about loving himself.

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But right now I was having a really hard time loving anything. I was set to perform in Brazil for my solo career. J-Hope and Jimin already had the release of their albums plus their concerts so now it was my turn. Younha was carded to perform with me. Honestly she was an excellent singer/performer but at times she would be a bit fussy. She was diva-like at times but who could blame her? She had an amazing voice but right now my head was paining me. This morning I got the news that she tested positive for COVID. GOD DAMMIT!!! It's like this virus wasn't ending at all.

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Miss Diva who was supposed to leave South Korea a few days earlier decided to leave on the actual day of my first show. Things like that upset me because I was accustomed to doing a sound check a few days prior to the performance. Of course I had to do it without her and used the video of the song as a guide for the performance. Now that she definitely wasn't going to make it to the concert, I would have to actually use the damn video instead of a live performance. I would have to apologise to her fans as well because I knew a few of the fans commented about being excited to hearing us perform 'Winter Flower' together.

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The song is so beautiful and I only tolerated Younha's behaviour because the song was absolutely breath-taking and also very popular with her fans and ARMYS. It was actually the people's choice of song. While I was in the planning stage for my show, HYBE had a vote system for fans to select their favourite RM songs and collaborations. Personally, I love singing BTS songs and my solo songs but I never performed any of my collaborations at an official concert before. I was really looking forward to doing this but after learning that Younha was sick, T was now trying to convince me to allow a fan to sing in her stead.