"Joon's Dia"

(Chapter 72: Give Him A Try)

I turned as the sun beamed into my room caressing my pillow and the blanket covering my body. Last night would've been just like every other night: me falling asleep in my tears but somehow last night felt worse than the other nights from before. Yesterday I felt him. I couldn't explain it but I couldn't stop thinking about him. Maybe it was because he finally completed his military service or maybe it was because I saw him again and my heart palpitated when I saw him smiling. Or maybe it was because even though he said he still loved me, that he finally decided to move on with his life without me in it. Ugh.... I grumbled to myself as I turned again. I stayed on the softness of my bed not wanting to get up. Then I felt the top of a head that was next to me. I smiled and began to sing:

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When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind

Then I look at you...
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you...
And I know it's gonna be...

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I paused because I knew what would come next but I was waiting for him to complete it for me:

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Then the sweetest little voice from under the pillow and blanket echoed in my heart. I waited for him to start singing and then I joined him as we sang the chorus together:

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A lovely day (lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day)
(Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day)
A lovely day (lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day)
(Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, lovely day)

"Lovely Day" Song by Bill Withers

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I turned down the sheet to see two beautiful dark brown eyes looking up at me with such love and warmth emanating from them. My natural eyes were light brown almost golden in the sunlight but my son had his father's eyes and his natural straight black hair. I looked at him and only saw Namjoon. There was no way anyone who knew us could look at him and not think Namjoon wasn't his father. They were literal stamps of each other.

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As an ARMY I knew all the photos of BTS as babies and toddlers but after I had CJ, I secretly looked closer at some of Namjoon's baby pictures. They were identical. I know people say all Asians look alike but CJ had everything like Namjoon. His eyes, his hair, hardly any eyebrows and he even had his little chubbiness around the cheeks. But what he had that was totally Namjoon were both his dimples. OMG! I couldn't believe it. He was so adorable and right now he was just killing me with his sweetness and his chats. And believe me, he had lots of chats. Lots! Lol.

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"Good morning, my love."

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"Good morning, Eomma," he said with a big smile.

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"Are you excited about today?"

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"Hmm-Hmm... Yes I am. I can't wait to get Yima Mei's Magical Mooncakes. She promised that she was going to make them even though its not autumn. She said in China, her family used to make them during their Mid-Autumn Festival. I can't wait to try them."

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I smiled. Not only did he have Namjoon's looks and intelligence, he even had his little sweet tooth. The Tasty Eats Festival was this weekend and he had been looking forward to it. CJ that is... Lol. Kim Namjoon had no idea where I was far less know what was happening here this weekend. I hugged my little bundle of joy because I didn't want him to see my tears. Every time I thought of Namjoon and the life I could've had with him, my eyes got all soggy.