"Joon's Dia"

(Chapter 24: Eight)

The time came for the thanksgiving service of the life of my nephew, Nicholas to begin. My family and I, his friends and the people who knew him all came out. The church was packed. I kept looking behind me and looking around the seats of the church. I was looking for...

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"Mom, are you okay? You keep looking back."

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I turned to face Anni and held her hand, "I'm sorry sweetie. I'm just anxious that's all."

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Yeah I was anxiously looking for Namjoon. I couldn't see him. When the priest began the service we all stood up and it was then that I saw him. He was tall and was wearing a navy blue suit with a white shirt inside. Jacket and tie to add to his decorum. God he was handsome and he was watching me straight in my face. I smiled at him and even though he wore a face mask I knew that he smiled back at me. Then he turned to look at what was going on. He should've been next to me, holding my hand so I could put my head where it belonged, on his shoulder. He was here to support me but he was also cautious about our closeness in front of my family.

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'Why the hell didn't I tell them about him?' I thought that maybe it was time to introduce him to them. But what would I say: 'Hey everyone, this is my... friend or boyfriend the leader of BTS Kim Namjoon?' I was torn. There's no way I could do that. One I couldn't out him and two I still wanted us to be friends even though my heart wanted to be with him so badly. My heart and my body. GOD!

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The service was beautiful as we got to say our final farewell to our beloved one. Nicholas looked so peaceful lying there and just before they were going to bury his body, I touched his hair and told him that I would honour his life and start a foundation in his name to help other children who were downcast and felt lonely especially after going through tough times with their parents. Nicholas was a gem and so was Namjoon. I saw him with his phone as he stood a little closer around the gravesite. He was either taking pictures or filming. Then as the gravediggers closed the lid of the coffin, the reality of my nephew's death hit me and I began to panic. OMG! He's really gone and I started to feel all my anger, sadness, pain and agony of losing my nephew bursting out from inside of me.

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"No... No-no-no!" I began to shout as they lowered the casket into the hole. My brother came and took me into his arms as I began to bawl and scream. I couldn't feel anything and I began to cry uncontrollably. Ben held on to me and tried to comfort me but I kept on crying loudly. Then I felt the arms of another come around my shoulders and I heard him say,

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"Let me take her."

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I knew my brother would've hesitated and I felt his arms tighten around me. He looked down at me and I nodded. So he allowed this strange Asian man to take me and I knew everyone would be wondering who the hell he was but Namjoon didn't care about all the stares we were getting. He only cared about me and as he began whispering in my ears, I felt my body ease. I kept holding on to him and crying into his arms. He even helped me throw in a bit of dirt to cover my nephew's grave. It was a burial tradition in my country.

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Namjoon didn't stop whispering in my ears how wonderful of a person I was and that family was so important to me. His words sounded like poetry and I placed my head on the base of his neck and shoulder. My favourite spot. He caressed my head and continued to hold me tightly around my shoulder and waist as I watched the men continue to cover the area with dirt. When they were finished, they placed the wreaths on top of the mound they created. It was then that I noticed my other family members were watching us. Strange that I didn't feel uncomfortable with them curiously looking at us. Their stares didn't bother me at all because I was in the arms of the man I love and very soon they were about to find that out.