"Joon's Dia"

(Chapter 49: Kiss of Life) 18+

Blue spoke the words that I never ever uttered to anyone but myself. How could she know that? How could she possibly know that my song 'Seoul' was really about myself and not my favourite city in my hometown? When she said that our relationship would be the same I couldn't deal with that. So many people in our lives were trying to get me ready for this but I just ignored them but hearing her say it was like the final straw that was put on the haystack to make it crumble.

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Didn't Yoongi, K and even Jin tell me that our breakup was inevitable? Now Blue... my love, my baby and my everything telling me the same crap. But it wasn't crap. It was reality knocking down my door. Only it didn't feel like a knock but more like a wrecking ball crashing into my building mashing up everything I had. I couldn't look at her right now and when she whispered my name, I had to get some air so I walked out on her. I couldn't let her see the real me but somehow she knew. I thought about this as I went into her room. I looked around and saw her drawings of me and how she saw me. She had completed the one of me covered in haze. She knew me and loved me but hated our situation. 'Seoul'.

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I almost crumbled her masterpiece but instead I looked at the smoke around my face and I couldn't help but cry over it. My tears fell on it and I threw it down on the floor. I've kept my true self from so many people. I fooled the entire world to think that I was so strong and level-headed. My close friends and family looked up to me for my strength and dedication but then she came into my life and fucked me up. Isn't that what love does? Love and Hate! She said it herself and I heard her words echo in my heart: 'They are both strong emotions that cause people to do crazy things'.

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I saw the metal object under her pillow and my heart thumped louder. Her vibrator. Hmm... We were amazing in bed and I couldn't get enough of her. Seems as though she wanted to fulfil one of my fantasies too. I chuckled as I rubbed the back of my head then I looked up and remembered her art room. I went inside and saw she had a few more drawings and sketches done. There was one of Anita and Amaria in their BT21 outfits at the concert and one of Nicholas her nephew with a wolf but I saw one of me and it was different. It was a head shot but I was dressed in military wear. She wrote the words below: 'When this time comes, Lord give me the strength to let him go...'

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I froze and I felt the air in me leave. She was worried about my enlisting and more importantly about us not being together. This was why she said those things earlier. She was getting ready to let me go and I behaved like a big baby, again. I looked out the window and I needed to feel some air so I slightly opened the window and let the wind in. It wasn't too strong but enough to fill my lungs. I breathe in the good and let out the bad. Love/Hate. Dia was my love and I hated that I would have to let her go too.

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Why? Why God? Why do I have to let her go? And I heard all my friends and families voices combined, 'Because it's inevitable...' I couldn't stop crying. Was it inevitable? Did we really have to break up? Why? But then I felt her. I didn't hear anything or smell anything, I just felt her presence. Then I got the aroma of her flowers. Dia was standing I'm sure behind me. Then I heard her gasp and when I turned to look at her, I saw the tears streaming from her face and I broke down. Literally.

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She came and hugged me as we hugged each other. I knew we didn't have much time left together but it was better that we let all our pains and troubles out in the open so that we could begin healing. All I needed was her so before any more words could be spoken I took her lips into mine. I was not letting her go, at least not yet. For this moment, right here right now, she was mine and I was hers. So I gave her my kiss of life.