Stucky One Shots

Old Diary

Bucky and Steve have been dating and living together in the same apartment for 5 months now. Bucky was out on a mission with Natasha and Wanda leaving Steve home alone. He had notice that Bucky still had a box that he didn't unpack yet and it was labeled "IMPORTANT". Steve figured he could do Bucky the favor and unpack the stuff for him.

As soon as he opened the box there were pictures and small notebooks. We're they diary's? Steve knew that Bucky would write down everything that happened at the end of the day back in the 40s. What's wrong with having a little peek?

He grabbed one the cover was black leather that looked like it had been through hell and back the leather was worn and tearing. He opened the first page.

James Barnes notebook
           KEEP OUT!!

The date was worn off but the date was still there 1945. The year he fell off the train. The year he died. Steve quickly turned the first page.

Me and Steve just got on base and he's already obsessed with Peggy. Sure she's pretty but he's like really head over heels for her. I'm upset about it. He always notices girls who don't even notice him. I do my hair for him. I help him with everything. I protect him. How can he only see me as a friend why can't I be a girl so he can notice me more as a friend. I hate this feeling. I hate liking boys. Why can't I be normal. Why can't I be a normal man who likes women. My dad was right. I'm a fairy that's all I'll ever be. I'll be alone forever. No man would like me. Why am I like this. I hate it.

There was other pages,pages on how he missed his mom but not his dad. How he missed his sister Rebecca. He missed his cat. He missed the old steve. The steve Before he had the super serum. The last 10 pages of the notebook there was blood prints on it.

I've been captured by Russians. They gave me some metal arm since mines was ripped off during the fall. They torture me. But I know Steve will come save me. He's my friend he'll save me.

That made Steve break. Bucky had waited for Steve to come save him. But he didn't. It was too late. Steve was to late to save him. Now Bucky was suffering. With PTSD with losing his memories and trying to get them back. He felt his eyes water. He keep reading the other pages and they all got more brutal.

They won't stop torturing me. They beat me,starve me,they even started to electrocute me and even put my head in cold water until I pass out. They try to make me talk. They ask me where Captain America is but I say nothing. My friend will come save me soon. I think his name is Steve? Yeah Steve is his name he'll save me. He's my friend.

Steve broke more. Feeling terrible for leaving Bucky in that hell hole. Every Diary entry hurt but the last one hurt the most.

I don't remember anyone. I don't remember why it here. What's going on. They say I'm an experiment for them and that I volunteered here. They I'm the Winter Soldier so I guess I am. I have scars all over my body some are fresh some are healed but left a mark my whole body is in pain what is happening to me.

Steve closes the notebook and broke down he put his face in his hands and cried. Cried for leaving Bucky there. Cried for making Bucky feel left out back in the base.

Bucky came back home with groceries bags and as soon as he heard Steve crying in the room he put them down and went to there room.

"Steve..what's wrong are you okay..? Did I do something?" Bucky quickly sat next to him and put his right hand on his back to comfort him.

Steve looked up at him and saw a scar on his neck he had never noticed it before since it was thin and faint, it was across his neck from left to right.

"H-how did you get that scar" Steve chocked out starting to calm down a little since Bucky was safe in his presence.

Bucky didn't answer. "Why are you crying my love? Did I do something wrong?" He questioned hoping he didn't do anything to make his lover upset.

"N-no you didn't do anything..it was me.."

At first Bucky was confused but then he saw the notebook on Steve's lap and the page it was on.

"It's not your fault Steve..you didn't know I was still alive.." he comforted Steve hoping the words he spoke would make him feel better but it didn't work.

"I should have checked though..I should have looked for you..I'm sorry I left you in that terrible place..."

"You don't have to be sorry Steve..really it's okay I'm back to..normal I'm fine really." He had lied he was far from normal. He had nightmares every night about the war about his parents about being the winter soldier.

"Don't lie to me Buck.. I hear you cry at night... I hear you cry out my name in your sleep sometimes..I see that you try to sound okay but your not.."

Bucky didn't respond to that. Instead he hugged Steve, he buried his head in steve neck and he felt his own eyes water.

"Do you really want to know about the scar on my neck?" He forced himself to ask, he didn't want to tell Steve about that scars past but he knew Steve wanted to know.

"Yes..please.." Steve asked gently.

"It was while they were torturing me..I wasn't the winter soldier yet but I had given up on hoping you would save me...I pick pocketed one of the guards knife and I.. I slit my throat hoping it would kill me..it didn't work obviously but I tried multiple times to end my life but they would always stop me from dying."

Steve felt guilty..so guilty Bucky was being tortured all those years and on top of that he had tried to kill himself so many times.

"I'm so sorry..I'm so sorry.." Steve cried more and hugged Bucky tightly not letting him go for a second he couldn't lose him again.

Bucky began to cry too. They cried in each others arms until there body's gave out and they both fell asleep. They were still holding each other.