HEARTSTOPPER ONESHOTS <333

When facing the things we turn away from

In Luke Hemmings we trust

Nick

For the second time this week, I find myself trying to catch my head in the toilets. I don't know why my brain is acting like this. I just don't know what to do l. I'm feeling 1000 emotions at once all the time and none of them are good ones. I just want to rip my head off and scream. I keep telling myself it's just stress from exams but I've been stressed before, this isn't the same feeling. This feeling...It's like I'm drowning in emotion. The worst part about it is not knowing what's happening. I hate it. And I know it's stupid and I have nothing to be sad about but I physically can't feel happy and I don't know what to do. I feel as though I'm drowning and nobody can see me sinking. I can't tell Charlie either. I know he will listen and I know he will help me but I can't tell him. I can't bother him with my problems. He already has enough on his plate and shouldn't have to deal with me being a drama queen. At the same time though if I don't tell him I may go insane. I keep crossing the roads and not caring about cars or if one small thing goes wrong I think that I could hurt myself which is something I know I would never do because I know the repercussions it has, but I can't help thinking about it. I don't want to die but I wish I could just disappear. I've never felt so alone before.
      I take a Sharp inhale and bash my head against the back of the cubicle door. What is wrong with me? I pull my hair upwards from the root and exhale, slowly closing my eyes. The quietness of the bathroom is only peaceful for a short while before it becomes eerie. I've never liked silence. I like to have noise around me, even if it's the sound of a fan spinning around or the wind outside. Most of the time I fill it with music, blasting it as loud as possible. Charlie hates when I do that. He thinks that I'm "disturbing the neighbours" but to be fair I could give a shit about what the neighbours think. I do turn it down though because I don't want Charlie to hate me. He wouldn't break up with me over disturbing the neighbours but I would never take that chance. Music has always been a form of escape. Your sad, I've got a playlist for it. Happy? I've got a playlist for it. Angry? listen to the happy playlist to take your mind off it. Stressed? listen to the sad playlist and have a good cry about it. Mental breakdown? Listen to the sad playlist for a while but when you can't breathe because your crying so much, the happy one is on to distract you. I wish I could listen to my music now when I need it the most. However I can't and the only music I am getting is the irritating sound of the bell, signalling the end of lunch. For fucks sake. I drag myself off the bathroom floor chucking my bag over my shoulder. I double-check my appearance; yeah no I look normal. I gradually open the door, making sure that nobody I know is in the corridors. I'm 6"1 so it's a bit difficult to camouflage in between all the little year 7s rushing to their lessons. I just keep my head down and refuse to make eye contact with anyone.

Charlie

Navigating these corridors is becoming more and more difficult each year I am here. The year 7s seem to be multiplying and are just everywhere. I will never understand why they are so small I wasn't that short in year 7 so why do they just get smaller? Maybe it's because I'm getting taller but surely they are still shrinking. I walk through the corridors, my head facing the floor at the fear of making eye contact with anyone, god forbid someone like Harry. Imagine the shit that would come out of his mouth if I accidentally looked at him. Honestly, he's so self-obsessed with it's funny. I haven't seen him in a while. I think he got excluded after Nick told Mr Mason about everything he has done to us for the past 2 years since we came out. Speaking of  Nick, I haven't seen him much today. I know exactly why. He's been hiding in the bathroom having panic attacks and thinks I don't know. I love him but sometimes he's so dumb. He's been trying to tell me he has had detention but I know he hasn't or his mom would kill him. I wish he would talk to me about them. I know I could help him, but at the same time if he hasn't told me he must have a reason for it. I'm not going to force him to tell me. But I wish he would. Pulling me out of my thoughts is a 6"2 blonde boy bumping into me
"Nick!" I exclaim as he lifts his head to apologise "where were you today?" I ask. His face is red and blotchy and he looks preoccupied
"Oh um yeah, I had detention again sorry, I forgot to do my um Everlearner for Mr Parsons and when I tried to message you he took my phone off me. I'm so sorry I didn't message you." he stutters. I can tell he is lying. But again I don't force anything, that's the worst thing I could do.
"Okay, are you still coming round mine after school? My moms working late so nobody will be in" I touch his arm gently.
"Yeah of course, where are you now?" He places one arm around my shoulder, using the other one to hold his bag
"Urm maths so somewhere in bottom blue" I know where I'm supposed to be and how to get there just not where it is.
"You in G5 then I'm next door so I'll wait for you" our feet are in step
"Are you okay?" I look up at him not stopping walking however as I think we would get beat up
"Yeah, of course, are you okay?" He frowns
"Are you sure?" I force my voice
"Yes I'm sure okay don't stress about me" he pulls my head into his chest. When I get to maths he playfully pushes my head away and laughs, I look down at the floor blushing before heading into maths.