PLEASURABLE RESTRICTIONS ✔️

Chapter Forty Seven

THE COLD breeze of the night made me hug myself. Wala akong ibang maramdaman kung 'di ang lamig, ang pananakit ng puso ko dahil sa mga nalaman ko at ang galit na pilit kong pinipigilan. I cried and hold onto the wall near me. Napatingin ako sa langit sa isipan na mapapakalma ako ng mga bituin.

"Adina..." napatingin ako nang marinig ang boses ni Sandro. He was panting like he ran a mile. "I looked all over for you."

Seeing Sandro made my heart ache. Hindi pa ba tapos? Bakit ba hindi na lang ako puwede maging masaya? Bakit ba ang gulo ng buhay na meron ako? The family I knew was just using me for their own gain. The brother that I always respect and loves lied to me. At ngayon, ang taong mahal ko ay parang may hindi pa pala sinasabi sa'kin.

"Sandro. We need to talk."

"About what?" he asked making me sigh. Nauna akong lumakad palayo kaya naman sumunod siya sa'kin. As soon as I entered his car, Sandro stared at me and waited for me to talk but I can't still think of the right words to say. Konti na lang ay mababaliw na ako. Konti na lang ay bibigay na ang katawan ko.

Tama na.

Gusto ko nang matahimik ang utak ko. Gusto ko nang matapos ang lahat nang ito. Gusto ko nang magpahinga. Gusto kong magsisi sa lahat ng kasalanan na ginawa ko pero ano pang magagawa ng pagsisisi kong 'yun? Nandito na ko. Nandito na ko sa puntong ito. Wala nang atrasan.

You need to be brave and strong, Adina.

Regan's words echoed in my head and I smiled because of that. Now, I finally understand what he means. All this time, Regan knew that this will happen and he knew how weak I am. Siguro nga hindi ako matapang at siguro nga hindi ako kasingtatag ng ibang tao. Pero gusto kong harapin ang katotohanan at matapos na ang lahat ng 'to. If God will let me be happy, then let God's will be done.

"Sandro, can you please not lie to me this time?" I asked and turn my gaze to him. Naramdaman kong nangilid ang luha ko kaya saglit akong hindi nakaimik para pigilan 'yun. "Mahal kita, alam mo 'yun 'di ba? Kung ano man ang katotohanan na sasabihin mo, pangako iintindihin kita at paniniwalaan."

"Adina..."

"Sandro, I'm so tired. Pagod na pagod na ko ngayong araw. Nalaman ko na ang lahat tungkol sa pamilya ko, ang tungkol sa katotohanan ng pagkatao ko." I said and sighed. "I met Chastity today and she told me that you're still lying about the truth. Sandro, sabihin mo naman na sa'kin oh. Pagod na ako maging tanga. Pagod na ko magkunwaring okay lang ang lahat pero ang totoo sobrang sakit na. Sandro, I trust you with my life and I trust your every words. Kaya sige na, kung ano man ang katotohanan kung bakit hindi mo sinabi sa'kin ang tungkol sa inyo ni Chastitiy, iintindihin ko 'yun."

There was a long silence inside the car as I stared at Sandro. Pinaghalong pagkagulat at pagaalala ang emosyong nakikita ko sa mukha niya habang nakatingin din sa'kin. Ilang saglit pa ay sumandal siya sa kinauupuan niya at malalim na bumuntong hininga.

"The truth is, Chastity told me we had a child." He said and I politely listened. "I admit that I was torn between hate and love for her at that time. Noong bumalik siya, nagkita kami noon sa agricultural conference. Oo, 'yun 'yung panahon na ayaw kitang makausap. She told me that she wants to fix our relationship and when I told her that I don't want to do anything with her anymore, Chastity told me that we had a child."

I nodded and stare at him. Wala akong maramdaman. Hindi ba dapat nagagalit ako? But no, I'm not. I still listened and tried understanding him like what I said. Ayaw ko na magalit. Nakakapagod. Pagod na ako.

"I believed her of course. She came to my penthouse and told me she wants to live with me. Nilambing niya ko, pinakain ng matatamis na salita at pinakita sa'kin na binabalik niya 'yung dating kami. But I was not happy. Hindi ako masaya dahil alam kong may kulang. I thought I just needed to have sex with her to feel what's missing but it wasn't still enough. At noong gabi bago ka umalis, doon ko lang naintindihan na iba na pala 'yung taong nagpapasaya sa'kin." He said and chuckled. "But I know it was too late."