Suffering: Male Reader x TWDG

Chapter 8: Hesitation

It has been a week since the events of the barn. You and Chloe have been on toilet cleaning duty every night since. Ethan is quiet and refuses to talk to anyone which everyone seems to like. You and Chloe aren't allowed to communicate with the others. You both have to eat at a different table and have training with Corporal Hayes who trains the adults.

Everyone in Fort Summer knows what happened that night and many feel sorry for what happened. Wherever you go you hear whispers "Imagine having to kill someone at that age", "Hope the kid isn't too traumatised" etc. You hate it. Chloe still feels really bad for persuading you to go with her no matter how many times you tell her it isn't her fault.

You're sitting by the lake at your spot drawing the scenery. Chloe is sat down next to you reading a book she borrowed from one of the adults at training she stops and looks up at you "When do you think this punishment will end?" she asks looking sad. You stop drawing and frown "Hopefully before my birthday" You reply before continuing your drawing.

"When is your birthday?" she asks as you once again stop drawing and glance over at her. She has put her book down and is sat cross legged on the grass looking at you. "Couple of weeks" you say as you put you drawing away and imitate her sitting "Why? were you thinking of getting me something?" you laugh. She starts laughing with you, "No I was hoping we could guilt them into stopping the punishment if they knew your birthday was coming up".

You start laughing even more and playfully punch her arm, she acts hurt and clutches her arm before lying down on the ground and rolling around. "Wow, how dare you hit a woman" she says joking as you lean back against a tree and close your eyes. "Y/N, Chloe here now" barks a familiar voice. You open your eyes to see Sergeant Edwards marching towards you. You and Chloe get up and jog over to him before saluting and standing to attention in front of him.

"Walk with me" he says as he turns around and walks away from the lake towards the shooting range. "You two are having too much fun so I am sending you to extra training with Corporal Hayes". You both look at each other and wince. "Yes sir" you both say in unison. You both arrive at the shooting range and see that it is just you two there for training and none of the adults you have been training with. Edwards nods at Hayes before leaving.

Hayes walks over to you two as you salute him. "At ease" he says grinning at both of you. "I have some very special news. The General wants to personally inspect your shooting so before he arrives I thought you might want some practice" He says giving you both a couple extra magazines for your weapons. You both nod grabbing them and getting ready to shoot. Hayes speaks up again "And I heard if you both do well he may stop the punishments".

You haven't shot your gun since the night at the barn and are a bit apprehensive but with this motivation you unholster your gun, flick the safety off and aim at the target. Instantly you are transported back to that night, you see the target grip its hunting rifle and slowly bring it up towards you. You open fire hitting it twice in the chest and once in the head. It collapses to the ground blood pouring out of its wounds. You see its face. You shot Alfie.

Hayes pats you on the back "Nice shots kid" he says as you look around and see everything is back to normal. You look at the target and that's exactly what it is, a target, not a person wielding a gun and certainly not Alfie. "You okay Y/N? You're sweating quite a bit" Hayes says looking slightly concerned.

"Huh? Oh yeah I'm fine sir" you say still slightly out of it as you aim your gun and fire twice more at the target, this time both headshots. Chloe lets off a few shots aiming mainly at centre mass but getting one headshot as well. "Stand to attention, I can see the General coming" Hayes says as he stands up straight.

You turn and see the General approach. All of you salute as he reaches you. "General, Corporal Hayes with disobedient recruits ready for inspection sir" Hayes barks at the General as he salutes.

The General nods and gives the orders "You have seven shots, I want at least three headshots, Chloe go first". Chloe opens fire taking all seven shots to get the three headshots she needed. Now its your turn you aim and squeeze the trigger hitting the target in the head. You pause before shooting a second shot hitting the target in the head a second time. You take a deep breath and prepare yourself for the next shot.

You just need to get this one and you can join the others. You start to line up the shot but stop. The target starts changing shape and has become Alfie. Alfie stares at you "You gonna kill me a second time? You know you could have shot that man from where you were hiding in the bush but you didn't. You let me die". Alfie walks towards you and stares at you down the barrel of your pistol. He holds it up to his forehead, "Go on, pull the trigger" he snarls at you.

Tears start forming in your eyes as you slowly lower your gun. "I can't do it" you say in a defeated tone. Hayes and Chloe look at you in shock as the General just shakes his head "Very well, Chloe you can join the others and Y/N you can keep up the punishment for the foreseeable future". You nod putting your gun back in its holster. Hayes looks at you and back at the General, "Sir if I may..". But the General cuts him off "Dismissed" He says as he walks off.

Chloe turns to you "Umm Y/N what was that?". You just stare at your feet confused at what happened with the target. Hayes puts a hand on your shoulder "Look I don't know what that was kid but you cannot hesitate like that again. And Chloe I'm gonna have to tell you to stop talking to him. You know he's not allowed to communicate with anyone as per the punishment". Chloe sighs as she walks away. Hayes also sighs as he walks off in the opposite direction. You slowly make your way back to your spot by the lake. You sit down on the grass and putting your head in your arms you start to cry until eventually you exhaust yourself and you fall asleep.

You wake up to screaming and jump onto your feet. You run towards the screams which seem to be coming from the centre of Fort Summer. Upon arriving you see three infected grabbing at Jessie. You pull out your gun and shoot them dead. Three shots is all it took. Jessie looks down at her side and you notice that she's been bitten before you can say anything you hear a loud boom as her head gets blown completely off her shoulders.

You look in the direction of the noise and see a man holding a shotgun. He sweeps his gun towards you as you get down on one knee and fire hitting him in the throat. He collapses to the ground and as you walk towards him you realise that you can hear automatic weapon fire echoing through Fort Summer. You reach the man and pull out your machete twirling it in your hands before stabbing it in his head killing him.

Suddenly you're hit in the head from behind and collapse. You feel yourself being dragged away towards the front gates. You stop being dragged and get hoisted up onto your knees. As you look around you realise you're in a line with other members of The Militia. You can see the dead bodies of Sergeant Edwards and Corporal Hayes laying on the floor. A man struts up to you laughing. He's wearing a leather jacket and has a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. "Negan" you say through gritted teeth.

He continues to laugh as he stops in front of you. He looks you up and down "Wearing your daddy's dog tags I see" He says with a massive grin. "Now lets play a little game, Y/N feel free to sing along I think you know this one" Negan says before continuing "Eenie meeny miny moe". 

You get up and charge at him, he swings his bat hitting you in the stomach. You feel winded and look down seeing lots of blood. Negan winks at you and hits you again as you collapse on the ground lying in a pool of your own blood. You start coughing up blood and look up at him. "Any regrets?" He asks spitting at your face. "Fuck you!" you shout as he looms over you and spits once more.

He kicks you a couple times before slamming his bat down shattering your ribs. You feel like you're drowning as your lungs start to fill with blood and you stop being able to breathe properly. At this point blood is flowing out of your mouth as your vision starts to go blurry.

You look up at the sky and smile faintly before you see his bat fly through the air towards your face. Your vision goes completely as you feel your whole face cave in. You manage to breathe a sigh of relief as you drift off. "I'll see you soon dad" you whisper as you feel the bat smash your skull again.

But my one regret,

My one regret is that I hesitate too much.

I get scared and freeze.

I need to be stronger, more aggressive.

I need to grow up, not care about death.

But it might just be too late for that....