Suffering: Male Reader x TWDG

Chapter 19: Panic Attack

Your night at Dixieland was spent in contemplation, you barely slept at all. You eat your breakfast alone in silence, a bowl of awful tasting and awfully cold porridge. You're still unsure of what exactly happened. "She kissed me" you murmur to yourself between mouthfuls of food, "I did nothing wrong".

That isn't exactly true though, you could have pushed her away or told her to stop but you didn't. Your mother used to tell you that the truth will always come out eventually, you hope to God that she was wrong, if Jessie finds out, your relationship is over; fucked.

You don't blame Chloe and you're certainly not upset at her. You were clearly clueless as to her true feelings for you, ironic considering the Rangers are supposed to have good observational skills.

You suppose that there will have to be a serious conversation with her at some point, you can't lead her on, you're dating Jessie and that's final. This was just an accident, some feelings that got too out of hand, she'll get over it and move on, as will you.

This has made you question your views on Chloe. You really like her and if you weren't in a relationship you would probably be over the moon with what's happening right now. But that isn't the case, you're still willing to be friends with her, that won't change; however, your outlook on your relationship with her certainly has.

You realise looking back, that there has been lots of accidental flirting from your end. That will need to stop, you don't want to make this any more painful for the both of you as it needs to be. You're worried about her though, you haven't seen her since the kiss and you can't imagine how she's feeling right now. She deserves to be happy, you just can't be the one to give her that happiness.

When they change the security around, all the different groups of the Militia will swap places at around the same time, all heading to Fort Summer first to be briefed. You just have to hope that as a Ranger, you will be out of Fort Summer and off looking for bandits before Jessie arrives. 

This would give you enough time to sort things out in your head and prepare for if things turn bad and she somehow finds out. You're very aware that you have a problem with keeping secrets, you almost revealed what you get up to whilst riding the horses yesterday and almost slipped up at the birthday dinner as well.

Chloe will keep this a secret, you're positive of this. You have to hope that no one else decides to stick their nose in your business, someone like Mark for example. He hates you and you hate him. He already tried to ruin your relationship with Jessie through some sort of lie he told her; something of which he almost succeeded in. This can't be allowed to happen again.

There is also the case that the Wolves are now going to be stationed at Fort Summer. This means that you're going to be seeing Chloe a lot more than usual which could further complicate matters. Overall, the next few days may become quite tricky for you to handle but you'll have to manage; you don't have much of a choice in this.

Finishing your food, you join the Wolves who are packing up ready to begin the hike to Fort Summer. Fuel is getting harder to come by so these days everything is done on foot now unless it's something important or time sensitive.

Chloe is talking with Mia as they pack their bags on the side of the road. You don't bother approaching, you still haven't decided exactly what you're going to say. Johnson has agreed to go with you all to make sure you get back safely, he's currently talking with a few of his men who by the look of it, are coming as well.

You lean against a lamppost and watch Chloe, you're trying to quickly come up with anything you could say that will ease the news that you can't be with her. She glances over at you and sees you staring. You don't bother looking away, it's pretty obvious what you were doing.