Feeling Again-Mattheo Riddle;Book 2

Chapter 18: One Last Time

I love spoiling y'all so we're getting another chapter. I'm writing both of these on the same day omgggg. But since the last chapter was SLIGHTLY long, this is gonna be a bit shorter :) IMPORTANT INFORMATION IN THIS CHAPTER!!!! And very sad :(( 

TW: Self Harm, Drugs 

I loved it here. These were one of the few things I loved. One of the few things I did this shit for. I did it all for small moments like this. 

After the entire common room was cleaned up, I went upstairs without saying another word to Mattheo. I felt the pain and feeling of a panic attack creeping up onto me. But not tonight, I couldn't face it tonight. I desperately dug through my drawer and found the almost empty bottle. 

Fuck! I downed two of the pills dry and hastily put it away just in time. 

"Snow?" 

I turn around and face him. "Mattheo." 

"Are you... are you not mad at me?" 

I shake my head. If I'm being honest, I would've been mad, but I no longer had the energy for that anymore. I held out my arms, feeling too upset right now. He immediately came and hugged me, and I didn't say a word for a while. 

"I'm not. I understand." And that's it. I loved moments like these. Laying down on bed, cuddling. Just for tiny moments, the drugs calmed me enough to focus on nothing else but his touch and smile and words. 

After many soothings words and giggles, I heard him go silent behind me. He fell asleep. I sigh, all the thoughts hitting me. Not in the way they usually did. I had two voices. 

Tyler lied. He said he wouldn't. I promised to kill him. 

You didn't actually mean that. Just do something to prove that you mean business. 

How many times have I tried that. All those times, they failed.  

I won't fail this time. I'll show him. I know I will. 

The Next Day: 

You have to stop doing this to yourself. 

I know. 

I cried, cleaning of the knife and putting it off again. My legs were safe. My stomach on the other hand, was covered in fresh cuts. I winced at the pain, and it hurt so bad. Of course it did. All the thoughts were hitting me. 

"Sirius... if you're there, just give me a sign. I can't keep doing this to myself..." Of course, nothing happens. What was I expecting? I'm so fucking delusional. Tonight was the day that it would be one last time. Self harm wasn't making me feel better, and it certainly wasn't going to change anything. 

Bahaha. I could tell myself that all I wanted, it wouldn't happen overnight... 

That Night: 

It was 11:30 PM. It was a bit chilly, and I was at the astronomy tower.   

Loren had been a good smoking partner. As weird as that sounds, he's actually that cliche smoking buddy. We just joked about the stupidest shit, and it shut off all the intrusive thoughts in my brain. 

Like we were doing that night. The night, as they say, shit went down. 

"No, remember when Mattheo almost broke your fucking nose?" 

Loren started laughing manically. "Oh fuck, like it was yesterday. Goddamn. The look... on his face!" We both made eye contact for a second and began bursting into laughter again. 

Mattheo's POV: 

Laying down in bed is where I got most my thinking down. Staring at the ceiling, comparing the random patterns I found was what kept me centered and thinking. And tonight, my mind was taking me to the darkest crevices of my mind. 

The Snow I knew wouldn't have brushed off my actions last night. She would yell or talk it out. Hell, if I were in her position, I would yell at myself. Unless I was on...

I immediately sat up. There's no way... she wouldn't. I wouldn't live myself. How the fuck could I miss this. I dismiss the thought however. The two of us could just read each other. She wouldn't lie to me about such a thing. She knows I would help her. 

I needed some air. I reach for my jacket and leave to go the the astronomy tower. 

Also, I should mention, that a lot of the Lavender and Ron drama and the half blood prince stuff won't be happening for plot reasons. It also symbolized how Snow is so out of it that she barely notices anything about herself or others. 

Two chapters today. One kinda long one short. Hope you're ready. I know it went fast, but it's to show how quickly everything is going for Snow. 

Predictions for the next chapter?