Use Me, Darling

Part 71

A/N hello guys akawonderlandofanime was so nice and designed a cover for me, which I wanted to share with you guys here. Thank you so much again.

The hot watered burned on Tay's wounds. He flinched as he took his first step underneath the water but slowly had gotten used to the constant pain, that was rushing through his body. His mind was racing. Achara was Ohm's wife, the man that has offered his tattoo shop to Vegas and Tay as their new safe spot, without even knowing that his wife was working for Vegas. Achara had made her way into the inner circle of his family and easily was one of the people that spent most of her time at their mansion. She must be a master at this. How else was she able to keep up this front for years. Achara was paid by Vegas and the minor family and gave all the details to them. Or was she just paid by Vegas? Otherwise, she must had given the information she had upon them to Vegas father as well. Then why didn't he interfere sooner into the doing of his son, if he knew that he was falling for Tay? Why would he let the situation get that much out of hand, if he had known it all like Achara did? The only explanation Tay could come up with, was that Vegas had either way, played him and actually didn't love him or that he paid Achara, but why would he do that by himself? What would he earn from getting knowledge about his family by himself, without telling his father about it? Tay couldn't understand. The only explanation left was the betrayal that Tay tried to forget so hard. The audio that was still playing in his head. Maybe Vegas wasn't laying to his father in it. Maybe his father had been in it since the beginning and it was Vegas plan to make a naïve little boy fall for him, to gain the power of his family. Maybe he just had put on an act for the last weeks and months. It was the most reasonable explanation, no matter how much Tay tried to push that thought away and searched for another way, thing could have been, he couldn't find a solution that made as much sense as Vegas lying to him this whole time. Tears were streaming again. Had Tay actually been that stupid again? Did he actually fall again for the worst person possible? Was he just that stupid and blind to see what people were doing and intending behind the mask? Maybe he was just a stupid child that couldn't hold himself up in an industry like this? Maybe his father had been right from the start to tie him to someone who is capable of doing so, so situations like that could be avoided? Tay's nails digged into his pale skin, trying to find a hold in his weak arms. Hoping the pain would take his thoughts away from him. Hoping it would be so heavy that his mind would go blank, but no matter how deep the nails went into his flesh the thoughts just got louder and louder. A scream of anger and frustration leaving his body, as his hand tightly clinged into the skin and blood started to slowly emerge underneath them. The water at his feet slowly changed its color to red as he stood there, letting his nails dig deeper and deeper and his thoughts getting louder and louder. Tay wanted to it there and then. He left the hot stream of water and looked through the drawers in hopes to find anything that would be sharp enough to cut his skin and flesh. Sharp enough to cut open his veins and left him bleeding till there was no blood left in him. He wanted to drown in the water that his own blood would have died deep red. He wanted it to stop. His thoughts. His pain. His doubt. It all should be over right here and then. His ears were ringing so much that he wasn't even able to hear the shower run any longer. Finally in the last drawer he had found it. A razor hidden all the way in the back. With shaking hands, he tried to break away the plastic, cutting his fingers while doing so. The pink rubber was stronger than Tay had thought and barely moved as he tried to break out the blade. I am even to dumb to kill myself. Tay's mind laughed in his head, while his hands still hastily tried to break the razor apart. He needed to pain and couldn't stop now. He wanted to sharp metal pressed into his arm, sliding all the way up, till they were cut wide open.

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And here we are, I made myself cry as i wrote this part and next couple of parts that are going to follow. Have fun...