Use Me, Darling

Part 31

He tried to tellhimself, that he wasn't alone. But never before did he feel as empty as he didright at that moment. Never before did he feel so lonely. He felt even worst,then the time he was suffering from Times break up. Unable to control himself,he let out another loud whine. The world around hat turned dark. It was justdarkness and pain left in it. He even started to imagine a warm hand, laying onhis back, gently rubbing it up and down, like Vegas had always done. He evenfelt the warmth that it radiated. "Tay, please let me explain." Tay shrieked upand let out a loud scream, as he realized that the hand, actually belong tosomeone and wasn't just part of his imagination. "How the fuck did you gethere." He screamed before slipping further away from the bay, that had sethimself into his passenger seat. Vegas had raised his hands in defends, signalingthat he wouldn't touch Tay, without his consent, but still, the gap betweenthem to small. Dangerously to small. "I saw your car and wanted to wait foryou, so I could talk to you... Please Tay just let me explain." Vegas tried toexplain. Tay just now realized the swelling in Vegas face, that lookedsuspiciously a lot like a hand. His heart screamed at Tay, to reach out for itand gently caress it, to take the pain away. But Tay's mind was stronger. "Howcould you do something like that to him? Huh? Not only that you did exactlywhat you promised me not to do, no. I am not even that mad about that. Youwanna know why I actually hate you right now?" Tay screamed. His sadness wasgone. Only anger was left. He didn't hesitate to stare into Vegas eyes. Didn't quiverunder the dominance that Vegas usually stood for. "I... I don't know..." Vegas whispered.His voice was so quite that Tay barely could understand him, over the bloodrushing through his ears and his heart racing loudly. "That you would go so farand rape someone. Fucking Rape someone. Not only are you a liar, a cheater noyou also do the worst of the worst." He wanted to hit Vegas. He wanted to makehim suffer for nearly making someone go through that terrible indicnafyingexperience. Vegas let his head fall. He couldn't stand looking into Tay's angryeyes any longer. He felt so ashamed of himself because he knew that Tay wasright. He had really broken all his promises. "How did you know?" Vegas mumbledwhile further looking down. This behavior so wasn't him, he usually always heldhis head up high. Fought back with all his might and got just angry as theperson, that was screaming at him, but now that Tay was screaming with so muchhatred at him, he didn't even dared to look into his eyes. "How is that relevant.You tried to rape Porsche. You probably tried to do the same thing last night,didn't you." Tears of anger rolled down Tay's redden checks. "If I told you,that my father told me to do so, would you believe me." Vegas slowly lookedback up at Tay. The cold stare that he meet, made him want to look back down athis hands immediately, but he stayed strong. He wanted to let Tay see that hewas telling him the truth. Tay stayed quite while eyeing Vegas closely. He wassearching in his face for the small gesture that would tell that Vegas was lying,even though he wasn't able to find that gesture, he still didn't want tobelieve Vegas. Why would his father ask him to do something like that? "I amalways doing the dirty work for my father. I often sleep with his clients sothey would sign the deal with my father. He tells me who and when and I do it.I have done it ever since; he knew that I liked man." Something deep insideVegas eyes seemed to slowly crumble as he sat there telling Tay the truth. Tay couldsee it falling apart and leaving a deep emptiness. "I know that what I havedone is wrong Tay. I know it. Do you think I would do something like thatwillingly? You should know me better than that." Vegas continued. "I don'tknow. Do I even know you, Vegas? Aren't just trying to manipulate me, like youdo with everyone else." As Tay spoke, he could see the emptiness in Vegas eyesturn into sadness. "If there is anyone in this world that knows me, it is you.I admit, I drug Porsche at that auction and made him drunk last night, but onlybecause my father told me too. I just for once wanted to something right. Justfor once step out of Kinns shadow." Vegas swallowed as while letting his headsink again. "Do know, what it is like to be the minor family. To only be autensil for your fathers uses without ever getting any praise. Do you know whatit is like to always be compared. It's never Oh that's Vegas, its always thatis Vegas, from the minor family. Never Vegas was good, no it is always Kinn isbetter. Do you know how it is when you father want even look at you? If you arenot of purpose for him, simply because of your sexual orientation? Do you knowwhat it feels like, when no one is even caring if you are there or not. If youdie on your missions or not. Do you know what it feels like to always getassigned to suicide tasks, in hope you won't come back. Do you know what itfeels like, to tell your little brother to hide himself, so he won't be treatedlike you are treated. Do you know what it feels like, even after all the shitand all the beating you have gotten, to still want to please your father. Iadmit it, I have done terrible things. I have raped people; I have slept withpeople for money, I have killed and tortured people in the most disgusting waysyou could imagine. But if there has been one thing, that could give me a small glimpseof what hope could look like. I am sounding so pathetic, but it is true. It'syou Tay. It's the time we spent together. It's watching you smile and laugh. Itis hearing your heartbeat pulsing and your chest falling and raising whiletaking breaths. It's how your whole face lights up, when you watch these sillylittle shows. I... I don't know how... I don't know how I am supposed to do thiswithout you anymore. You made me addicted. You are like the air I breath. Ifyou are also going to slip through my fingers, I have nothing left. Nothing." Asingular tear rolled down Vegas check as he had finished his monolog. Hequickly buried his face in his palms. He didn't want to see Tay leave. Hedidn't want to further look at that face that had been full of hatred justminutes ago. Tay swallowed a big lump down his throat. He could see thedesperation, the frustration, the angst and sadness in Vegas' eyes. He could hehis hurt self in his voice. Vegas seemed like a little kid just now. Like achild needing to be told that his parents were proud of him. His eyes hadshined in the deep sadness that a child felt, when their parent didn't recognizedthe awards and praises it had gotten from everyone else, because in the end ofthe day, only their parents opinion mattered to him. He wasn't sure if his earsbetrayed him, but he imagined hearing a soft sobbing from Vegas body. He justwanted to reach out to him, hold him and tell him that he was there. But hecouldn't just break down like that. Not after the pain Vegas had caused him. "Howdo you expect me to trust you, after you have broken every single promise, youhave made to me." Staystrong, Tay. Don't give in just yet. Don't be as naïve as you were with Time.You know he is the master of manipulation. "I don't know. I don't know how you are supposed totrust me. Don't trust me, just let me see you from time to time. Let me hold touchyour warm hands occasionally. That's all I am asking. No actually, just don'tlook at me again with all that hatred you have looked at me today... Please." Hisvoice was shaking. It was actually shaking. "I won't promise you anything..." Taywhispered. His voice would have been overturned by a falling paperclip, butVegas had heard it. With read puffy eyes he looked up at him. His face beingjust as messy and red as Tay's. "That is all I want you to do." He whispered.In that moment he really reminded him of a little boy that just had thrown atamper tantrum and now received some sweets to make up for it. "I hope you willbe able to forgive me someday." Was the last thing he said before he left the caragain and disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. Tay closed his eyes again,his head dropped onto the steering wheel.

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Yeah extra long today because why not.

Guys I must say, it is crazy. Just last weel I thank you all for 4000 reads and  now we are already on the road to 5000. This is so incredible and I am so thankful that you guys stick around, even with all the mistaks that are still left in here. I know that there are a lit of mistakes, that I will start to fix, when I have the story done and only need to upload further. 

See you soon,

Your Wiwi. Xx