I'm A Loser

Chapter 29.

I sat in the doctors office early the next morning, holding Stu's hand while the doctor prescribed him six different pills.

"So exactly what do these red ones do?" I asked.

"They're to help him sleep. He's mentioned he's been having sleepless nights."

I just looked at Stu and bit my lip.

"And the small white ones?"

"They're for his numbness."

"And these?"

"For his anxiety. The rest are for his headaches and depression."

Stuart stayed silent, looking down the entire time. This must have really been embarassing for him. Especially for his girl to view all his weak points. But I wanted him to get better and I didn't want him to get into depression.

"Thank you doctor." Stuart said as we were dismissed. I put the brown paper bag of pills in my purse and walked with him out the building. I broke the silence.

"I didn't know you were having sleepless nights. Or numbness. Or anxiety....Stuart.."

"Molly I don't want to talk about it." He kept walking. I grabbed his arm and looked up into his eyes.

"Well I do. You've left me in the dark too fuckin long Sutcliffe. Now I want to start understanding what's going on with you. Don't go running to a therapist or wanting to drink at the pubs. I'm your wife and wives know everything about their husbands. I love you and if you have a problem with that then you better fuckin deal with it."

He just looked down at me and nodded. "I don't want to be alone Molly. You're all I have."

I kissed his cheek and held his hand. "I wont ever leave you. Lets go home, take a bath and get some rest alright?"

"I have the show remember?"

I sighed. "Stuart."

"But I can call in and say doctors orders."

"Good." I smiled. "Come on. You need to eat something."

"I already 'ad something."

"Coffee at two in the morning isn't something. I'l make you some food alright?"

He nodded. "Where would I be without you Moll? I love you."

"I love you too baby." I smiled as we walked home together.
...

When we arrived, Tiffany and John were asleep together in each others arms. Stu and I just laughed and I began making food. I was chopping onions when Stu grabbed the Orange juice and a glass.

"Look em...don't tell Lennon yeah? Tiffany or the mates. Just you and me."

I nodded. "I wont tell anyone. Talking about it, you need to take two."

He sighed and grabbed my purse, searching for them. Pulling out my brush, makeup and even my bra. He raised his eyebrows. I laughed.

"From last night remember?"

"Christ molly. Here we are." He made sure everyone else was still sleeping and popped the two in his mouth. I continued cooking and watched Stuart turn the tv on, sitting on a chair. This ended up waking up John and Tiff who were more than disgusted when they realized they had a one nighter.

"Ew I can feel myself getting lower in life." Tiffany walked in the kitchen with a sheet around her body. I laughed as John and Stu talked.

"What happened last night?" She asked, sitting at the small table and stealing the finished bacon off the tray.

"Well I left the club earlier and came back here to sleep. It wasn't until one in the morning, you and John burst through the door making out and practically undressing one another. Stu and i had to leave it was pretty disturbing."

"Oh my god. I must have been desperate." She ran a hand through her hair. "Paul call?"

I shook my head. "Nah. I'm sorry."

She pouted and grabbed the grapes from the ice box as I continued cooking for Stu. John made a face as he passed her and kissed my cheek, stealing bacon. I groaned.

"Will you two shoo?? I'm trying to cook for my man."

"I'm hungry too love. The succubus took the life outta me." He smirked. Tiff gagged.

"Whatever I'm off to shower. All the hot water in the world wont get rid of Lennon's germs." She rolled here eyes.

"Aye! You should be lucky to 'ave 'ad me cock inside you!" He ran after her. The two arguing. Stuart walked over and kissed my cheek.

"Still 'appy with the arrangement?" He chuckled. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know anymore. They're great just....crazy."

"That smells amazing love."

"Almost finished." I smiled, kissing the tip of his nose.

He sat at the table and I served him, John giving me the sad pouty look. I laughed and served him too, grabbing my own plate and sitting down with them.

They talked about the upcoming gig. John assured Stu he'd bust anyone's head in if they booed the band. I could tell they were both nervous with how the new arrangement was going to work out but I promised to be front row with Tiff.

Speaking about Tiffany, she dressed, made herself some coffee then headed off to work. John giving her a hard time as he joked about the night before. Then he was off on his own buisness to Paul's. Stuart and I were relieved to be alone in our apartment.

"Just leave the dishes yeah? Come on to bed." He yawned, pulling his shirt off. I bit my lip, noticing how thin he was. He really needed to start eating more. But I didn't say anything. I locked the door and stepped out of my jeans, laying on the matress beside him. I had to admit, being in his arms felt great. Despite his troubles, he was warm and strong. His serious tone always softened with me. He was gentle and such a romantic. I giggled when he kissed my cheek softly and pulled the sheet over us. I laid back and reached down, unbuttoning his jeans. He let me and softly caressed my breasts through my thin top. Our lips findind each others.

He tugged his jeans off and soon we were in our under garnments, touching and kissing.

"Stuart...please..." I begged. He sighed.

"I don't want to disappoint you again...I can't." He looked in complete defeat. He was letting the sickness get the best of him. I wanted him to touch me. To make love to me like he used to. But he didn't. He couldn't.

He just rested his head on my chest and shut his eyes, holding onto me. I rubbed his back and stared at the ceiling.

I felt terrible for Stuart. He couldn't even make love to his wife anymore when he desperately wanted to. He was breaking in my arms and all I could do was try to hold him together.
..........