I'm A Loser

Chapter 46.

Stu and I sat on a grassy, abandoned area across our old home. The smell of rain and gas filled my nose as I told him everything. I managed to cope and remain strong. My hands though, not so much.

"Molly you're shaking. Give me that." He took the cigarette from my fingers and took my hand in his. I shook my head.

"I honestly don't know what to feel anymore. They knew what I was going through with Peter showing up again. I couldn't even enjoy the music anymore. I feel unsafe going to clubs now. All I do is watch over my shoulder." I sighed.

"Fuckin Lennon. I didn't want this either Molly. I love you so much. John just kept goin on and on and on about how this band means lots and that if we made it big, I could afford lots for you. We could move out and live on our own. You'd be happier. You'd want me even more. He told me you wouldn't understand. He told me if I pushed you away you'd leave and when I made it big, you'd want me again. I just had to wait." He looked down as his voice broke. "I didn't want you to leave me." He began to cry. I scooted closer and held him in my arms like I used to. Rubbing his back and kissing the top of his head.

"I haven't gone anywhere Stuart. I'm here. I love you and always have. It hasn't always been easy for me. You have no idea how many nights I've cried for you. I miss your kisses and love."

"A bloke shouldn't admit this but, I've cried for you too. I can't... life has been hard. But John just tells me to move on, push along and she'll come back when were big. I feel so alone." He pouted.

"I'm here baby. I love you so much." I took his face in my hands and kissed him. He pulled me on top as he laid back. Our lost time all exploding in one deep kiss. We kept on until we couldn't breath. Until we had nothing left to give. I pulled back and brushed his hair away from his eyes.

"Let's take a walk." He whispered.
....

Stu and I held hands while we walked together along the road. He didn't tell me where we were going but I soon got the idea when we walked into the pub John always hung around at this time.

"John ye fuckin cunt!" Stu let go of my hand and shoved a startled John out of his seat. Everyone watched as John got up and shoved Stu back.

"What the fucks wrong with you?!" John yelled.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm on about! Gettin in me head about Molly. Givin me an excuse to leave 'er! I fuckin knew somethin was odd! What is it John? Is it your fuckin cock that wants her?? You think cause you can't ave her, nobody else can??" Stu clenched his hand in a burning fist and landed a jaw dropping punch across John's face.

That's when it all began.

The manager had to come out to break everything up. People cheering just to see a fight. John and Stu wrestled on the floor and took turns getting the upper hand. Stu on top. Then John. Punches, spitting, biting, twisting. Blood stained the hardwood floor and even flew onto the onlookers. I knew I was the only one who could end this. Especially the moment John knocked Stu down and stood up, kicking him over and over again in the stomach. I felt my heart race at the sight. Stu groaned and yelped, begging for him to stop. But he didn't. The pure anger and raw hatred struck even me. I didn't even know I had it in me but I managed to push John to the ground and give him the nastiest, everlasting punch of a century. Then it was silent.

I huffed as the manager asked everyone to leave. He looked more worried than angry. Stuart cried and spit up blood. I crawled over to him and begged out for an ambulance. The manager ran off and I sat between the two men crying my eyes out.

Love. All of this because of one simple thing. All the fighting, betrayel and lost friendships. Jealousy and revenge. All for love. That's it. To be honest, it was scaring me more than Peter on a drunken night.
....

I sat in the hospital room, staring at my feet and cursing John. Besides some bumps and bruises, he was fine. Stuart? Weak and unconcious. Trauma and in need of stitches. I sat by his side and just cried. Tired of everything and everyone. I needed to get away. We needed to get away.

"Molly....you're here." He muttered sleepily due to the pills. I held his hand tight.

"I'm here baby. I'm so glad you're alive."

He gave a small smile and looked at me. "I'm sorry..."

"Shhh. You have nothing, nothing, to be sorry for."

"Molly...I love you so much. Being here for me now....shows me you care."

"Always. You're my husband. I love you too." I cried. He squeezed my hand and began to fall asleep. I kissed the top of his head and sat back, grabbing my purse. The number for our reservation. The one that should have been. New York.

As I looked through some papers, a nurse walked in.

"Um, excuse me....when do you think he'll be alright to leave?" I asked.

She grabbed the chart off the small desk and looked it over.

"Perhaps tomorrow morning. I'll check with the doctor alright?" She smiled, drawing the curtains from the nightly skies.

"Thanks."

As I sat back, I watched a sleeping Stuart and heard a light knock. Looking up, I felt my heart sink.

"George. Why are you here?"

"I was told what happened. Is he alright?"

I laughed sarcastically. "You wouldn't want that now would you? So then maybe you can have me all to yourself."

He sighed. "I would never want that. I love you Molly. Please..."

"Yeah a little too much. George, why?? You of all people! I mean I would never do something like this to you." I whispered. "You hurt me more than Lennon or Tiffany. I thought I could trust you if not only you. Were so close....you were my only friend. But you hurt me." I shook my head. "If you loved me so much...you wouldn't have hurt me so."

He walked over and sat beside me. "I never wanted it to go this far Molly. I enjoyed every moment we spent together. The talks, late night visits..."

"Shhh." I whispered. He looked at his hands.

"I'm sorry. I know it's not enough and probably won't ever be enough. But like you said....were close. I've known you basically all my life and...to lose you now. Like this. I don't think I'd ever recover."

I just stayed silent and listened. My eyes met his as he spoke again.

"Remember what you told me last? Before you left mine?"

I nodded. "I said I needed you. That...you were all I have."

"Did you mean it?"

I looked at Stu still sleeping and shrugged. "I do need you George. But...you're not all I have. I have Stu. He's still my husband and...if we could still make it, maybe we can to."

He looked at me with hopeful eyes. I reached for his hand and held it tight.

"I love you Molly. Remember I told you I'd be alright when you took him back? Well, I am. I'll still be here. I hope you and Stuart make it."

I gave a small smile and rested my head on his shoulder. "Me too George. Me too."
........